


The Lightning Alchemist

by Veilrony



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Rivalry, flame alchemist riza, past abuse tw, riza's traumatised, royai is temporary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-12 18:50:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 29,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13553436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veilrony/pseuds/Veilrony
Summary: Riza Hawkeye knew that her father would die, but she never thought she’d miss him. She also didn’t anticipate his apprentice, a young man named Roy Mustang. And she never thought she’d take up the alchemy tattooed onto her back, but apparently life was full of surprises.





	1. Chapter 1

Riza always hid beneath the stairs whenever company was over. More specifically, she was always told to hide by Father.

The man was over this time. His voice was deep. He stuttered a lot and his footsteps were light. It still didn’t stop the dust falling on top of her face whenever he walked above her.

The floor creaked from above as he made his way up the stairs, and a coating of dust came down onto her homework. She blew it away in the dim light, but noticed that her charcoal smudged as well.

She wished she could use a pen, but her teacher wouldn’t allow them. Ink was permanent, so once a mistake was made it couldn’t be corrected.

The man was off of the stairs now, so she steadied the light swinging above her. She went back to reading her questions. As long as she had an education, she could get out of here.

Maybe she’d become a doctor. Maybe she’d just become a teacher somewhere out in the West. The far South. Maybe even the north. It didn’t matter as long as she got out of _here_.

She breathed a sigh, closing her eyes. She wished she could ask for help, but asking Father always ended up turning hour-long rants about alchemy that she’d been told since childhood. The question never got answered, just made more confusing. And given that she was learning the sciences, Father’s rants would be even longer.

She kept scribbling at her assignment. Science was just math. There were formulas. That’s what Father always said, and it was the only thing she took to heart.

There were more footsteps, and muted conversations, as there always were when he was around. By the way his voice cracked, he couldn’t have been older than she was. He definitely didn’t go to the same school as she did, though. She’d recognize his voice.

She leaned against the wall and placed her homework down beside her, allowing her legs room to stretch. She yawned, mouth going dry at the dust she breathed in. The tattoo scars on her back rubbed against her shirt painfully, only giving her relief when she hunched over again and got back to work. She racked her brain for answers, slowly writing more and more into the blanks until she was on the last page. This was one of the few assignments where she didn’t struggle with the answers. She knew the temperature of lightning like she knew her own eye colour. Whether a reaction was an explosion and how to tell? She scribbled those in quickly, making sure not to add too much detail. Father didn’t like people knowing that the Hawkeye family was overly knowledgable about fire.

She sighed, putting her work away and making sure that it was in a place it wouldn’t get crumpled. In a tight space like this, it was easier said than done. She constricted herself further to make space for her work and waited, like she always did, until the man left.

There were no footsteps this time, no familiar flashes of light through the crooked floorboards above her. It was all quiet this time. The man seemed more confident this time. She almost wanted to eavesdrop this time.

Father coughed, loudly. There were stomps, like he was choking on something and trying his hardest to get it out. She stiffened. Was he okay?

Something crashed upstairs, sending a jolt through Riza.

“Master!”

What? She got onto her knees, not even caring about the homework anymore as she tore it beneath her own weight. She wrapped her fingers around the doorknob, pushing the door open and crawling out from the tiny cupboard. She got to her feet as she heard the man shout, “Master Hawkeye!”

Oh, God. She ran faster up the stairs, stumbling on the last one before regaining her balance.

“Someone!”

The creaks of the floorboards were quiet. The dripping ceiling poured onto her face, but she didn’t care. He wasn’t okay.

“Someone call a doctor!”

Oh god, oh god, oh god. Her foot fell through a floorboard. Again she caught her balance. The wounds in her back seared with pain at all the movement, and she had to gasp for breath. The door to Father’s bedroom was ajar, and just as she entered it, she heard the man call, “Is anyone here? Riza, if you're real?”

She froze in her tracks at the sound of her name. How could he know about her?

Then she saw her father. Blood was dripping from his mouth, but it pooled on his tongue. Even in the dim light his pupils were dilated. He was hanging off of the man’s shoulder, unresponsive.

“We need to get him to a hospital,” the man said, desperately clinging onto her father.

He was already gone. She could tell from where she was that Father wasn’t bleeding. She felt her lip quiver and her throat tighten.”He’s gone,” she choked out. “There’s nothing we can do.” The tattoo wounds bled down the back of her shirt.

“What?” he asked desperately. He was shaking from the weight.

“He's gone,” she repeated, louder this time. “Put him down!” She could hear her voice quiver.

“He can’t—“ He stopped and quieted down for long seconds. “He… can’t…”

The man got down to his knees and let Father down. “Master Hawkeye…”

“Stop it, there’s nothing you can do,” she snapped, suddenly angry that he was so devastated by this. “There’s nothing…”

He was gone. He no longer had control of her. She'd wanted him dead for years, but she'd never expected it to happen. And finally, he was gone.

So then why did she feel so empty now?


	2. Chapter 2

The funeral was quiet. After Riza silently arranged it, only speaking in quiet tones to the priest and gravedigger days before, she didn’t expect anyone but her to show up. The man ended up coming despite there being no invitation. It was like he waited at the graveyard, staying around until her father’s funeral happened.

She had been one of the three people carrying the coffin when a slight weight lifted off her shoulders. She glanced down and noticed a fourth pair of legs walking beside them. She didn’t know who it was at the time, but she was minorly grateful. When she saw his face, she at least was glad that someone she somewhat knew was here, though.

After they lowered the coffin into a hole, they stepped back, save the pastor and gravedigger, who began the ceremony.

At this point, it was a formality. Riza wasn’t going to believe what the priest was saying and she wouldn’t be able to hear him anyways. Her thoughts were all-encompassing. And _that man._

She stared at him. He was handsome, she knew that much. His dark, glossy hair and his eyes of a similar hue. If she had to pick a man, it would be him, she guessed. He sighed loudly.

Riza felt her shoulders quiver as she stared at the box in the dirt. They were quiet, standing too close to each other. Above them, the clouds started to knit together and pour down onto them. Riza didn’t care. She let her hair get soaked as she kept staring at the hole in the ground. A man with a shovel came by and started pushing the pile of dirt over top of the coffin. He could hear the soft thud as the true end of her father neared. She felt numb.

“I can’t believe you’re real,” the man said, his voice cutting through the stiff air around her. She was brought back to the real world by his cold face. “I thought master was lying when he was talking about his daughter.”

He talked about her, yet never allowed her outside of the under-stairs cupboard. She felt that familiar pang of bitterness hit her. “Well, here I am.”

There was a long pause, and she could practically feel the man sizing her up. “I can see that.” She looked up to see him, and could see he was holding his right hand out. “Roy Mustang.”

She cautiously mimicked the gesture, surprised when he gripped her hand tightly and shook it. She pulled away, but the man still stared at her. Like he wanted something from her.

Finally he asked, “You’re Riza, right?”

“Oh.” She nodded stiffly. “Yes, sir.”

“He constantly talked about you. How you were going to grow into a fine young woman, how you were beautiful…” He paused, and threw Riza a crooked grin. “He has good judgement.”

Riza felt a twinge staring at him, but it was quickly swallowed by the numb. “Thank you for the compliment.” She sounded stiff, like she too was dead, and hated it.

“I give them to ladies who deserve them.”

Riza’s mouth twitched as she stared at the hole being dug up. “Thank you again, Mr. Mustang.”

There wasn’t a response this time, and Roy seemed to understand that now wasn’t the time for talking. He watched quietly and put an arm around her shoulders. She didn’t shake it off, but instead just let the numb cover her shoulders too. She stared for a long while, and Roy was unmoving, even though he was a complete stranger.

“My consolations,” he said finally, his voice a low whisper over the sound of thunder in the distance.

She stared ahead at the fog threatening to swallow the distance, and then she flicked her eyes up to he clouds, grey as steel. Even the grass seemed colder, lifeless. Brown and grey and nothing had vibrance. Like it, too, was dead.

“I wish I could have saved him.”

She was glad that they couldn’t. She didn’t say it aloud though.

Finally, the body was buried, and people started to clear out.

“I’m sorry about all of this,” Roy said again, quieter. “I was your father’s apprentice, and I feel like that now that he’s…” He paused, and Riza didn’t look at him. “I feel like we should talk more. I want to help you.”

“Thank you,” she mouthed, but sound didn’t escape her lips. She flicked her eyes to Roy, and he looked equally as sad as she felt, if not more.

Was her father that important to him? He wasn’t to Riza, his own daughter. What did Roy have that was so special? Probably the knowledge that he could leave whenever he wanted.

She sighed, taking in the sent of the air growing humid and thick.

Roy stepped away from her after what felt like hours of staring into nothingness, numb. “I’ll be sure to drop by and make sure you’re okay,” he said.

She nodded wordlessly.

Eventually, everyone was gone, leaving Riza alone in a sea of grey sky, grey grass, and grey tombstones.

She walked closer to the mound of dirt, staring down at where her father was resting.

Now she could say her final words to him. She glared down at him, feeling her heart turn to ice. “I hope you burn,” she said quietly. The scars on her back still hurt, stopped her from running too quickly, from bending over, from stretching in the morning, because doing so would hurt her, cause her to bleed.

The tattoos were scars, and Father must have known that.

She felt the first tear that she’d felt in weeks drop down her cheeks, falling off her chin and onto her collarbone. “And I hope your precious alchemy burns with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i should edit this fic more... i really dont mind it.


	3. Chapter 3

The next few days were some of the roughest Riza had ever survived. The loneliness took over, the numbness to everything stopped her functioning. She was glad that her father was dead, glad that she was finally free. 

She never had to see his face again. She never again had to fear another angry outburst, or a day in the basement with nothing but the spiders. Never again she’d have to be treated like she was nothing.

The problem was that she really was nothing without him.

Every morning since he’d left, she’d made an extra couple of slices of toast expecting her father to come and pick them up. After sun set, she lit the candles in the hall and left them on overnight so he could walk around. Last night, she stayed up for hours, waiting to see her father in the doorway. Some proof that he was alive and that she’d hallucinated these last few wonderfully horrible days.

A major, awful part of her life was empty, and some idiot part of her wanted it back.

She got out of bed for the first time today and ran her fingers through her hair to comb it out. She twisted around in the mirror, painfully, and noticed the scarring and ink of the tattoo showing through her shirt. She instinctively scratched at it and gasped as the fabric unbonded from her skin. 

She seethed and blinked the tears from her eyes, but as soon as the pain faded enough for her to focus again, she lifted her shirt and studied the tattoos. Revulsion grew in her throat as she stared at it. It looked to be an array, that was all she could see from it. Like the alchemy her father practiced, and Riza wondered why his actions while he was dying was to tattoo it on her. Wouldn’t it have been better to write this into a journal and leave it on Riza? Wouldn’t it be more painless, wouldn’t it be easier?

She shook her head at the thought and realized this was part of his plan. Where he planned to used this against her, but she never understood why he felt it was necessary to be so cruel. Why did he need to hold her down figuratively through this? 

He was dying anyways, there was no point. This must have been some way to remember him past death. The sicko…

She looked at the lines further, studying backwards latin, before her head started to hurt from reading it so far away. So this was her father’s alchemy, and this was his plan. To mark her with it forever, and to always remember him.

She curled her lip at the sight of it, and an impulse told her to make that tattoo hers. She stared at it for a while, thinking on that impulse and wondering how she’s go about that. She could learn alchemy from someone, to figure it out and treat it like her own discovery. If she got good enough at the craft, she’d figure out new formulas for it, new ways to make her father’s great flame alchemy weak compared to her own. The impulse settled in the forefront of her mind as she imagined herself an alchemist, setting this old house and all her memories on fire until there was nothing left. Her living would be made on a secret he wanted to keep.

The impulse turned into anger, and the idiot part of her screamed to apologize to her father’s memory, but she kept staring at her back, at those bloody black lines and everything they meant to him. And now, what they meant to her.

She sighed, retaking her thoughts and letting them run rationally. First, she’d need to learn the array. To find an alchemist who would train her in the ways. Then, for her to know alchemy enough to continue on her own. 

Before she got too far, she went back to thinking about the teacher. Where would she find one, and would anyone accept a dirt-poor, fatherless girl. It’d probably be a good idea to ask around, but in all actuality she knew nobody. She sighed, the tattoo rippling with her back ribs, and ran through her list of known names, or at least names she knew of. There was her school teacher who might know someone, but she looked down on her and her father for the entire time she knew them, so she scratched the thought. 

She started to get properly dressed, throwing her shirt off and finding a clean blouse and skirt. She slipped them on, and realized they weren’t completely clean, but at the least they weren’t smelly. She dusted off the garments before looking back at herself. She straightened her back so her shirt wouldn’t touch her tattoos and she wouldn’t have to tear the scabs from the shirt again.

She went back to listing names through her head as she left the bedroom. There were her classmates, but the idea of them knowing any more alchemy or alchemists than Riza, daughter of an alchem — future alchemist — was honestly a laughable thought. The winter drafts blowing into the house became evident as she walked downstairs. She shivered until her teeth were chattering and even then it wouldn’t warm her up. If only she could afford some alcohol.

Back to alchemy. There was the man she learned at the funeral, and she shook her head at how stupid she was for not figuring out to go to him first. Roy Mustang, the man who was learning alchemy under her own father. The perfect choice, even if he did seem to admire Berthold too much for her own liking. She went down to the foyer and pulled an old coat from the rack. Holes lined its seams, but at least it was better than nothing.

She stepped out of the house for the first time since her father died. Someone in town had to know his address, she just had to ask around. Then she’d be on her way to forgetting her father ever existed.

She just hoped alchemy was the right way to go about it.


	4. Chapter 4

Apparently all she had to do was go to the nearest bar, where the bartender immediately started cursing about the scoundrel who always snuck in to drink while he was too young. (He paid well though, so he was allowed to go there.) The bartend gave his address to her relatively quick. So there she was, standing at his door, and debating whether she should turn back now.

She knocked at his door, blowing her bangs to the side of her face. This was the right address, right? She felt her shoulders tensing, feeling like people were staring at her as they passed her. She should just turn back now. He wouldn’t want to see her, let alone teach her. 

“Hello?” Roy asked as he opened the door. He stopped again as he saw her, and she could see him swallow, wide eyes. “Riza?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” she said quickly, shoving her hands in her sleeves to warm them up.

“It’s nice to see you, I’m glad you’re holding up well enough.” He smiled, and there was an awkward pause. “Anyways, come in!” He ushered her inside with a quick wave of his hand. He opened the door wider, and she stepped inside. His house was just as dirty as hers had been when Father was still alive, but his at least was in better shape.

“Is there anything I can do for you?” he asked, standing too close to her. Riza didn’t pull away.

She sighed, trying to imagine what to say to him. He probably didn’t want to hear anything form her at all, but then again, he was being so friendly. “It’s nothing really,” she said demurely. She glanced at the walls, with pretty floral paper that wasn’t peeling. “I just wanted to chat.”

“That’s great!” He smiled, a small grin that barely lifted the corners of his mouth. “I was hoping that you were doing alright, and if you can get out of the house, that’s fine, right?”

Riza nodded, but still knew that she was falling apart. She barely even got out of the house in this past month. “I guess you’re right.”

He escorted her through the kitchen, his arm slowly creeping its way around her. She didn’t fight back. Father did the same a lot of the time, and she knew what happened when she defended herself against him. She imagined Roy wasn’t much different.

She was pulled back to reality when he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, gripping her arm. “So down this way is the kitchen. You don’t mind tea, do you?”

She never had tea before, but nodded politely. “I don’t mind it at all.”

“Then I’ll get a kettle going.” He turned to the right towards where he had pointed seconds before, floor creaking with every step. At least that part was familiar. His black hair bounced with every stride, and he had an almost child-like air. 

When they made their way to the kitchen, she noticed stacks upon stacks of paper on the table. Each and every one of them was scribbled in an ancient language, and she couldn’t parse it if she tried. “What’s this?” she asked aloud. She pulled her coat on tighter as she saw the open window blowing cold air in.

“A lot of things.” He cracked open a cupboard and pulled out a black kettle, stained with years of use. “Some of it’s alchemic notes — I doubt you’d find them interesting — but a lot of it is for the military.”

She frowned staring at them. “So you really are going to enlist then?”

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been learning alchemy to help the people. What better place to do that than as a soldier?”

“As a doctor,” she mused. “There has to be medical alchemy out there, right?” But that wasn’t what her father specialized in. They both knew that, she more than him.

“Of course. There’re already a few state alchemists for that.”

So this was paperwork to apply for a state license? He wasn’t that advanced in alchemy, was he?

“Pull out a chair, sorry.” He poured a bucket of water into the kettle and threw some wood into a burning woodstove. “The kettle’ll be ready in a couple minutes.”

Riza sat down at the table, and seconds later Roy joined, pushing aside the stacks so that they could maintain eye contact. “So what can I do for you?”

She stiffened, her throat drying up now that she was under pressure. He wouldn’t be interested in teaching. He was her age, he couldn’t possibly know that much. But then, her father never interacted with anyone really, including Riza’s own mother. There had to be something special about Roy to even consider allowing him around. “I...”

He nodded understandingly. “It’s alright, take your time.”

She nodded, and watched as he pulled a quill out of an inkwell to start writing on more paperwork. Signatures mostly, defined by long sweeping motions from his elbow. He looked elegant, focused. Yeah, there had to be something about him.

“I want you to teach me,” she said finally.

He stopped writing mid-signature to look up, his thin eyes wide. “Teach you what?”

“Alchemy.”

Roy’s hand loosened, his pen dropping into the crook between his thumb and index finger. “What?” he asked.

“You know alchemy, don’t you?”

Roy cocked his head and shrugged, now dropping his dripping quill onto the paper. “I guess. I mean, I only know the basics. There’s nothing special about it, you know?”

Riza nodded. That was all she needed. She’d be able to parse the alchemy on her back if that was the case. “I understand that. I just need that much.”

Roy smiled, like he was incredulous, and he started to laugh. “I can’t believe that the daughter of the great Flame Alchemist is coming to his apprentice for training.”

Hearing the word ‘great’ associated with her father made her skin prickle, and she could feel the short hairs on the back of her neck bristle, but she tried to keep it down. “He never taught me anything.” Just that she was nothing more than a sort of lock and key to stop people from finding his notes. She wondered if Roy knew that.

“Huh. Interesting.” He closed his eyes, picking up his quill and dropping it back into the inkwell where it was before. “I guess I could. There’s no harm in it, right?”

She could see his lips curling into a smile. Father never smiled around her like that. He never smiled at all, honestly. “So you’ll teach me then?”

“Why not? You’re a pretty young thing, and you need a reason to get out of the house.”

How did he read her like that? She didn’t respond. “Thank you.”

“Call me teacher.”

“Thank you, teacher.” She noticed that he leaned back and ran his hands through his hair.

“Well, I’ve never taught before, so I guess this is going to be a learning experience for the both of us, but I think there’s some stuff that’s easy enough for you to get. Follow me.” He got up from his chair, taking his inkwell in both hands and holding it close to him. Riza was forced to follow as he went down a hallway and ran his way up the stairs. He twisted around at the top, staring down at her. “You’re absolutely sure you want to learn alchemy?” he asked, a dark glint to his eyes.

Riza nodded. She was the ruler of her own life, and taking what was Father’s and making it hers was the first step to forgetting him. “I’m sure.” She made her way to the top, meeting Roy. 

He stared deep into her eyes. “My lab is just down here,” he said. “I need you to swear that you’re not going to tell anyone about it.”

What was in there that was so secretive? Still, she needed this knowledge, and to be honest Roy was the only man she felt semi-comfortable around. “I swear.”

He smiled again, this time wide enough to flash bright white teeth. “Well, that’s great. Come along this way!” He walked with a boylike giddiness. It was like he wanted to become a teacher. Good for him, then.

She followed behind, slower and making sure to be soundless as she walked.

She twisted to the left into a dimly-lit room, where Roy was standing in front of a tiny desk. It was completely empty, but alchemic texts were scattered everywhere in the room besides a bookshelf, which was completely empty and gathering dust.

“Excuse the mess,” he said finally. “Your father gave me his books.”

His room was still full of books, so that must have been a lie. “You must be... really passionate, huh?”

Roy blinked in surprise, jaw hanging open for a second before he nodded. “Crazy passionate.” He paused, then shook his head as if to erase what he’d just said. “About alchemy, that is.”

“Well first thing’s first,” Roy said. “We’ve got to learn the terms, right?” He pulled out the chair at the desk. He gestured for Riza to sit down, then twisted around the clutter of a room to find a smallish book at only an inch thick. Half the size of the rest of the books, and Riza couldn’t help but feel intimidated at all the work and research around her. Alchemy was a lifestyle. That was the only way she could describe it.

He placed the book down, and it fell to the first page. Riza watched Roy’s fingers, now stained black from the inkwell, trace the texts. “Alright. First thing to know is that everything’s connected. You’ll understand later, but everything happens with a purpose, and in alchemy, that purpose is whatever you make it.”

“Understood,” she said quietly. She looked up to Roy. She didn’t understand. If everything happened for a reason, then why was her father so terrible? Why did she still fall into a depression when she died? What purpose was all of that for?

She didn’t know if she wanted to find out.


	5. Chapter 5

Some days, Riza couldn’t wait to get over to Roy’s house. Other days, she wanted to drag her feet until a blizzard blew her into the snow and left her there. She probably wouldn’t have got up those days, and would have just let herself be enveloped by the familiar coldness.

She dropped out of school soon after Roy started teaching her. Her grades were below failing level anyways, and she could have graduated the year previous if she wanted. Either way, she was learning alchemy now. She had as much education as she needed, and she would only be learning more sciences

Even if today was one of those just-want-to-die days, she still had to at least make an effort to be there. If something killed her on the way to Roy’s house, she wouldn’t complain though.

She started her trek, wearing only a light coat. The cold bit at her skin. She tried not to care as she started walking, snowflakes landing on her coat and melting on the fabric. She walked quicker, kicking up snow that blew back into her shoes.

She ran after a few minutes, feeling her legs sting with impending numbness. She felt the pain, and thus life. It reminded her that she was alive. On a day like this, it was a good thing.

When she eventually got to Roy’s house, she slowed. She felt her throat, raw with crisp cold air and running, sting. She coughed as her heart still raced too much for her now slow pace. Her sides hurt, and her legs were now painfully numb. She made her way down the sidewalk into Roy’s place. She knocked and waited. After a while, she knocked again. This time, she could hear someone running down the stairs. The door swung open, a burst of outside air blowing Roy’s hair. “Riza!” he said, breathy. His hair was messy and his shirt was barely buttoned up. “You’re here early!” 

“It’s nearly noon,” she said. They’d met at noon nearly every second day. She’d never heard today to be any different.

“Ah.” She saw his eyes move upstairs. Roy smiled, sighing and closing his long-lashed eyes. “Nevermind. Come in! I’ve got a kettle boiling.”

Riza noticed that Roy’s house was far cleaner now. The peeling wallpaper was slowly being replaced. It was being added in segments, and currently half of the hallway looked like it was brand new, and the other half looked like Roy hadn’t taken care of his house in years. She kept walking, and on closer inspection, saw that the cobwebs had been swept away. A broken lightbulb was changed.

“So,” Roy breathed as soon as he heard the kettle whistling. “Let’s… uh… hear what you’ve got memorized.”

Riza knew it like she knew her back. “The circle is a matrix,” she began. “It sends energy throughout the transmutation circle, bonding it and translating it into its intended use.”

She continued, on, reciting almost mindlessly at this point. She was supposed to be past this by now. She finished, and Roy passed her a cup of tea smelling strongly of mint. Her favourite, and she was surprised Roy noticed. “Thanks,” she said, still hoarse from her run.

“You ok?” Roy asked, almost immediately.

“I’m fine,” she said even faster than he’d asked. “Just a bit cold.” He cared?

“Then I hope the tea helps.” 

Riza noticed his watchful eye as she didn’t take any sips until it cooled down. “Should I continue on with the notes?”

Roy sat down in a half-rotten chair, resting his chin on his hands. “Sure. Get them perfect and we can learn some Latin today, ok?”

Riza heard the condescending tone and tried to ignore it. She continued on with her notes, trying to remember them as well as she could. She shut her eyes to concentrate, and when she opened her eyes she thought she said them flawlessly.

Thought. Roy’s face fell as he shook his head. “You forgot one last bit there, Hawkeye.”

She furrowed her brows. No, she got everything correct. She kept searching, but her mind turned out blank. “Explain, sir.”

Roy’s frown faltered, twitching before going into a full-blown grin. “I’m sorry, I can’t fool you like that. You’ve got them perfect.”

“Oh.” She loosened her grip on her tea, suddenly aware of the burn against her fingers. “That’s nice. Thank you.”

“Don't thank me,” Roy said. She saw him glance towards the ceiling yet again. “Finish your tea and enjoy yourself. Today’s going to be a long day.”

***

Riza realized just how little appreciation she had for Father’s — no, Roy’s craft — before she herself started learning it. While Roy parsed and translated arrays to show her how sentence structure worked, she could only stare wide-eyed as even after hours upon hours of working on Latin, she could still barely remember how plurals and articles work. Luckily, a lot of modern Amestrian was based off Latin, though that certainly didn’t mean she could immediately figure out a Latin word from a similar-sounding Amestrian word.

Riza was pulled out of her thoughts when she saw Roy turning away from the pages and looking up at her. “Are you getting this?” he asked.

Riza didn’t hear a word of it. She’d zoned out a long while ago, so she tried to put together the small sentence fragments she’d heard before zoning out and make them sound like a plausible sentence. “You end plurals with an I and…”

She faltered, shaking her head. 

Roy smiled and sighed through his nose. “I’ve been talking about the weather for the past five minutes. I was wondering when you’d catch on.”

“Oh,” she said. She felt her cheeks warm. “I’m sorry, sir, I’m tired.” Please don’t be angry, she instinctively thought, because he might’ve been like Father. When he smiled, it only meant things would get worse.

Instead, Roy genuinely laughed. “I get it. I’m probably shoving too much into your head at once. Master Hawkeye was the same with me.”

“Oh,” she said, trying not to wince at the mention of her father.

“Either way, it's a blizzard out there, I can quickly make something for supper before you go.”

Riza, still flustered, shook her head. “I’m not hungry,” she said. “Thanks for the offer though.”

He nodded sadly. “Got it,” he said. He got out of his chair and picked his jacket up before slinging it over his shoulder. “Good night, then. You’ve done well.”

“Thanks for the lesson,” Riza said quietly before awkwardly walking past Roy. She could feel his gaze boring down her back, shivers starting to crawl up it. She went downstairs and through the hall until she got to the door. She noticed now that it was new, without any howling wind making its way through the cracks. She twisted the doorknob and the door immediately swung open. Wind greeted her face, large snowflakes flying into her face with a cold sharpness. This was going to be a long walk.

“Wait!” Roy said, running down the stairs. On the last step he stopped. Riza turned around to see his hair flying wildly in the blizzard. “I changed my mind. You…” He trailed off. “You shouldn’t go out there. It’s not safe.”

She looked outside again. Streetlights were barely visible from the flurry coming down from the sky. The fog was thick enough that even with the dim lights, she could barely see to the end of Roy’s yard. She breathed a sigh and even though she was still inside of the house, a puff of fog floated up in front of her face before getting carried away. She could already feel her hair crusting over with frost. He was right. “It’s only a short walk,” she said to both herself and Roy.

“You’ll die out there anyways,” he said. “Just…” Again, he trailed off and took a deep breath. “You should stay the night. I can sleep on the floor.”

Riza froze, the wind still screaming behind her. Roy smiled lightly. She felt like she needed to. After all, she was supposed to take offers like this. No wasn’t an option. It never was. Either way, she was supposed to take these offers from attractive men. She returned the smile, but wasn’t sure if it seemed fake. “I understand,” she said, aware of how forced she sounded. “You can sleep on the bed though. I just need a blanket.” She never had one when Father was alive. She wondered if Roy would let her have one.

“I insist,” Roy said, smile widening. “Lemme get the blanket ready,” he said. “Come on.”

Riza nodded and walked alongside him up the stairs. She felt his arm curl around her waist and hold her tight. She didn’t shirk away.

Was Roy trying to court her? He was being friendly with her… like he cared. She felt a fluttering in her heart. Someone cared for her. 

They made their way into Roy’s room, where his bed had four blankets piled on top of it. He took a thin blanket off of the top of the bed and laid it on the ground. “Do you need me to leave or anything?” He twisted around to meet her gaze with those shining black eyes of his.

She’d just sleep clothed for the night. “No, you’re fine, sir.”

“Just Roy, please,” he said. He got down into his own blanket, rolling himself up in it like a child. Riza went into Roy’s bed,. She felt a slight discomfort at being in a mostly unfamiliar’s man’s bed, but the feeling faded as she felt how soft it was. Underneath the blankets, she could feel her body heat already warming her, and shielding her from the cold of the room.

“Goodnight, Riza,” Roy said. “Sleep well.” Was there… affection in his voice? She could feel herself flushing as she curled up deeper into the bed.

“Sleep well, Roy.” She closed her eyes. “And thank you.”

She soon fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, lulled down into nothingness by the dim sounds of the blizzard outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also known as: Riza and her adventure with comphet. As well, this chapter's gonna be an indicator of the pacing of the fic. The plotline doesn't happen as quickly as other fics, so timeskips will be present.


	6. Chapter 6

Months had passed after that first night over, and training just got easier and easier. She knew she should have been trying to learn together on her own so she wouldn't need to rely on Roy when she was done with his training, but frankly she enjoyed it and she enjoyed Roy's company (and her suspicion that he might have been flirting with her had died down, even though he was a very friendly man by nature.) If she was being honest with herself she still needed his help, and Roy was always willing to help her out through her errors. Now that they were more familiar with eachother, Roy was more friendly than he was at the beginning, and more willing to teach all that he knew.

Riza on the other hand was just as friendly as she had been before, but it took less energy to act so. It was no longer a chore to interact with him, as it had been for the longest time. Maybe friendliness wasn't even an act anymore. As she studied his old books, she noticed Roy playing with the nape of her neck, fingers trailing through her hair. She found it hard to concentrate, but wouldn't stop him for the world. She couldn't believe that someone would be soft with her, so caring. The shock was too much for him to ask him to stop even if she wanted him to.

She looked up at him after translating a line in Latin. He grinned, then said "Keep going."

Riza followed the instructions, glad that he was only telling her to do things with smiles rather than slaps. She kept working till moonlight streamed in and fogged from dust. Her book was barely lit, and she could barely see the old scrawlings. She could feel herself getting more and more tired. 

Maybe she just needed to sleep.

"Hey, Riza?" Roy said as she felt her head start to loll against her shoulders. "We've been working for a while now, don't you think?" He sounded nervous. Come think of it, he'd been nervous all day. 

She nodded.

"We should pack up for the day." He paused, and Riza noticed he was hopping in place basically, as he asked, "Can I walk you home?"

She didn't want to say no, so she nodded. 

Roy helped her out of her chair, taking her by the arm. His arm was shaking... Was he okay? He took her along with him, where they made their way down the stairs. Riza noticed that his balance was off, like he was tired too. But still, she looked into his coal-black eyes and noticed how alert they were. Shining in the dim light.

She almost didn't want to go home. She debated telling Roy that, but stopped. Roy unhooked his arm and Riza put on her coat. Roy grabbed his own coat, buttoning it up. He looked up at her with a warm smile on his face. "It's February, you may well button that up..."

To that, Riza shook her head. It was okay this time, it didn't really matter to her.

"Whatever you say, Riza..." He held his hand out and Riza took it politely. There, they started their walk home. Roy closed the door and locked it, placing the key underneath a flowerpot in the window.

The walk was beautiful. Shafts of moonlight fell from the sky to illuminate winter fog around them, and to give warm halos around the street lamps above them.

Roy was quiet, not saying a single word, but Riza could tell something was on his mind. His smile hadn’t left his face, and he was constantly looking down at her. What was he excited about? The thought was torturous as they kept going. Snow crunched behind them in an otherwise silent city.

Riza looked up at him, and noticed how handsome he looked. That’s what it was, right? The way his nose was shaped, how his jaw was set into that crooked grin of his, and how his eyes were alight with… something, she didn’t know what. She was unsure if he even was handsome, but she knew she wanted to be his companion. The feeling of wanting to be a better alchemist than everyone faded for a second, but with a too-strong shiver, she was reminded of why she was even doing this in the first place.

The cold made Riza walk faster, and Roy followed suit. They made their way to her house quick. Stepping on the pavement, she already started to relive the familiar feelings of living with Father, but not now. She just had to push it down, especially while she was with Roy. He was completely different from him, so there was no need to worry.

And it was her house anyways, he was gone.

At her porch, Roy stopped at the steps. Riza got on but stopped when she noticed. Twisting around so her bangs fell into her face, she shook her head at him. “Is something wrong?”

His lips opened and closed like a fish out of water, and Riza couldn’t help but smile at his flustered expression. She stepped down the steps in case he wanted to say whatever was on his mind quietly, but was stopped when she was pulled in close to him, and then kissed. Shock paralyzed her for a moment before she melted into it, unsure what else to do. She closed her eyes, feeling him hold her tighter, hands clenching over her back. He let go, pulling away. “I…”

“I love you too,” Riza said instinctively. That was what he was going to say, right? She hadn’t expected it, but at the same time did.

“Yeah… love you.”

She gave him a light smile, stepping up onto the porch. “I’ll be there tomorrow for another lesson?”

Roy nodded dumbly, and Riza noticed he was shaking from head to toe. His smile grew enough that he couldn’t conceal it. She liked that charm about him. He stepped backwards before turning around, walking slowly out of the yard, and leaving.

Riza hesitated before going inside, but only because she was transfixed by Roy breaking out into a full sprint into the darkness. A loud “Ya-hoo!” was heard seconds later.

She grinned again, feeling the warmth flood back to her cheeks as she closed the door. She leaned against it, realizing that her cheeks were on fire from the flush alone.

He loved her, he loved her, he loved her.

She took a deep breath, letting a rush of feelings flow through her, the most she’d felt in a long time. And she honestly felt like she loved him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> riza and comphet 2: electric boogaloo


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, the grief found its way back to her. She didn’t want to get out of bed, so she just laid there, staring at the ceiling. The thoughts of her father seeing the exact same sights she now was started to creep into her head, and the back of her mind told her this was the first step in becoming just like him.

She growled and rolled over, dispelling the thoughts. Her mind was too cloudy… too cloudy.

The memory that she was supposed to go to Roy’s place entered her mind, then the memory of him kissing her and her kissing him back. She’d said she’d go to his house, and she didn’t intend to break her word. Especially if Roy was willing to have her over too.

Her eyes travelled along the wall, holes in the drywall beneath the fading wallpaper. The lower half of the room was covered in front. Explained why she was so cold, but at this point it was hard to care. The sadness overtook her mind until thinking was like moving through a swamp.

Hunger poked at her stomach, but it didn't affect her enough to make her want to get up. It didn't matter, it was just a bit of hunger. And at this point, she found it hard to find something that mattered to her.

She half-expected her father to come into the room and pull her out of bed. Then minutes later ask her to make breakfast in a voice so soft and kind compared to the screaming just a moment earlier.

She had to tell herself that wouldn't happen -- he was dead --, but it was still on the front of her mind.

She felt her eyes grow heavy, even thought it was still just the morning. Time didn't really matter anymore…

To Roy it probably did. Maybe she _should_ go for alchemy lessons.

But she didn't have even the energy to get out of bed. She was just… tired. Of everything.

She rolled over until she was on her stomach, staring into her pillow. She pressed her face in until she needed to breathe, where she then rolled over again to her side. She shut her eyes, angry with her lack of energy. The tiredness and the numbness overtook her before her anger forced her out of bed, and she fell asleep.

***

She woke up to the sound of an owl hooting near the house. She let her eyes open slowly, resting on the dusty walls. She traced her eyes up as she rolled over, how the dust eventually grew frost, how it permeated every crack. She kept rolling until she saw the cracks in the board, covered in hard frost. Moonlight shone through the window, and the snow had spread further.

Riza bit back a chill and she buried herself in her blankets further.

She at least felt somewhat better now. Maybe she’d be able to get up.

She pulled herself out of bed quietly, flinching her foot back when she felt icy cold floors.

She laid a blanket down over the frost, feeling the wind bite her back as soon as she bent over. She quickly shuffled across the floor on the blanket, the wool hell on her ticklish feet.

But it was better than getting frostbite just from waking up.

As soon as she got out of her room, she took the blanket off. It was still ice-cold out here, but it was also better-insulated. She wrapped the side of the blanket her feet were on over her shoulders, the side bared out to the flooring now covered with rubbed-in frost.

She stepped down the stairs, keeping her balance on the railing.

She still felt tired, but at least the numbness had let her get out bed this morning.

It hadn’t gotten this bad in weeks. Or at least since she met Roy.

Where was he anyways? Probably at his house, waiting for her to come over.

But then, he might’ve been worried about her. If he was, he probably would have come over. she walked a little faster down the stairs, not wanting to keep him waiting if he had. She walked into the kitchen, expecting to see Roy already with a kettle pulled out, rusty as it was, and sipping his own tea.

She didn’t see him at all. No bricks of tea were cracked, and the cupboards were still closed from the last time Riza made dinner. She couldn’t remember when that was.

Heaving a heavy sigh, she started to pull out her own kettle.

She wasn’t a fan of tea, but it was better to drink something warm.

She filled it with water and put it on the woodstove.

She went to grab wood from the back shed, knowing that whatever was in the woodstove had outlived its use, burnt to a crispy ash. Even the charcoal that would have come from the burnt wood wouldn’t have had any use.

She went out in the dark night.

It was a half-moon, she noticed as she went around the back side of her house.

The entire house was half-broken down, as well.

Maybe when she became a famed alchemist, she’d have enough money to fix the house. Change parts of the layout so that she’d never have to relive certain parts of her life. The under-stairs closet for one had to go.

She pulled the wood out of an open shed, two logs in each arm. This would be enough to last for another day. She just hoped nobody would ask her why she had smoke coming from her chimney this late at night.

However late that was. She’d have to check. She got back into the house, deep snow crunching behind her and freezing her feet.

She brushed it off onto the entryway floor as soon as she got in.

The wood was dry, at least, so walking back to the kitchen, she put it in the stove.

She grabbed a lighter. At the point she'd have use of her father’s alchemy, she’d use it, but for now she had to use her usual method.

Long days of sitting in the cold as a child, hands too waxy and clammy to operate a lighter, came back to her. It was only after after she couldn't start the fire to cook and therefore eat she came to ignore the numbness in her fingers to turn on a lighter. God knew that Father was too _important_ to start a cooking fire, even with his alchemy.

She lit it, hands trembling at the memories, and pulled a piece of bark out from one of the dry logs. She lit it, letting it catch, then blew onto it so that it would get hotter. Then she closed it, sighing with a ragged breath.

This wasn’t a cooking fire for her father, she reminded herself. This was a fire for herself.

Herself.

She laid back against the table, leaning her head into her hands.

None of this was for Father anymore. He was dead and gone.

The numbness creeped at her legs again, making them feel leaden and heavy the more she thought about her father.

Dead and gone. She just needed to remember that.


	8. Chapter 8

Riza got to Roy’s place three days after she’d promised. She’d started to feel better to the point where interacting with people, even her new… lover… wasn’t a chore now. Roy hadn’t checked in on her once over the three days she’d been missing, and Riza felt a tiny bit hurt by that.

He must’ve been busy though, so she used that as her excuse. When she got there, she was right, as he was smack dab in the middle of renovations. Rolls off wallpaper laid in corners, buckets of paint were in the center of the kitchen, and Roy’s military paperwork that had been hanging around for months was nowhere to be seen.

She found  Roy in the living room, scrubbing dust out from the floorboards with a brush. “Good morning, Roy…” she said after staring at him for a while.

He jumped, hitting his head on a coffee table, before getting up and running towards her. “Riza!” he said, hugging her. He pulled away and left a dusty imprint on Riza’s blouse. She didn’t brush it off.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he said after a moment. He rubbed the back of his head tenderly, and Riza leaned in to kiss him on the cheek.

She wasn’t really okay over those last few days, but at the least she was physically safe. “Me too,” she said after a moment. She paused and looked around at the room in disarray. “Would you rather alchemy lessons or…?”

Roy glanced around and held his brush at his hip. He hummed to himself for a second, before looking back up at Riza. “Well, I think it’d be a good idea to just work on alchemy today. I’ve been working on this since yesterday and I’m gonna blow my back out at this rate.”

Riza laughed at that thought. Roy was barely six months older than her, and he didn’t seem to be the type to have a weak back. “I’ll see you in the basement, then?”

Roy nodded, placing his dust brush on the coffee table. “Lead the way, Riza.”

 

***

The lesson lasted until nightfall, and instead of just talking about alchemy they talked about dreams, hopes… the future. It was relaxing and gave Riza’s brain time to think without overload. But eventually, like all students, got tired. Heavy-lidded, brain fogging and ready to stop for the day, but she was still too afraid to mention it to Roy.

Apparently Roy had picked up on it, and he laid his jacket over her shoulders like a blanket. “If you want to continue tomorrow, we can…” His voice was so soft as he knelt beside her. “And if you want, you can stay the night?”

Riza shook her head stubbornly with a yawn. She was enjoying this lesson, and she was sure the tiredness would fade after just a few minutes. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and waited for the extra oxygen in her lungs to wake her up. It didn’t.

“I can tell you’re tired, Riza,” he pushed, running his hands through her hair. “I don’t want you to overwork yourself, that’s just miserable.”

Riza finally conceded, letting her shoulders drop. She placed her notes on top of the page she was currently reading and shut the book, before getting out of her chair. The winter winds were blowing again, and she wasn’t sure it’d be safe to go home again. “Alright,” she finally said aloud. “I… don’t think I can go home tonight though.”

Roy looked outside and nodded, wrapping his arms around her as soon as she got up. He kissed her quickly, and Riza wrapped her own arms around him.

“Should I get the blanket or…?”

Riza looked out the window again, or moreso at it, as the snow had completely covered it. “You shouldn’t sleep on the floor…” They were together now, right? It was only fair they slept in the same bed.

“Together..?” Roy asked, eyes widening and staring into hers.

“I… guess.” It was embarrassing to say it like that. “I’ll sleep with my shirt on, don’t worry.”

Roy smiled and kissed her cheek. “If you insist,” he said. “We’re together now, I’m not afraid of seeing you like that.”

Riza blushed at first, then felt strangely cold. She was reminded of her tattoos, and the scars, and how they never properly healed and made her back look like an utter mess. They were ugly, disgusting even, and she was sure Roy felt the same.

The numbness that she’d pushed away just enough to head here in the first place crept up her legs. Anxiety joined the mix as she realized she needed to tell Roy about the tattoos. Her fingers grew clammy.

“Are you okay?” Roy asked after a second, pulling Riza from her thoughts. She noticed his brows were furrowed now, his lips pursed. “If you want to stay clothed, it’s fine. I’m honestly okay with either…”

“No,” she said, quick enough she didn’t even think about her words. “I’m fine, really. There’s just...” Now she’d said it, so she had to finish it. She dug her nails into her arms. “There’s something you need to know.”

“An animal attacked you when you were younger so there are scars all over your back?”

She shook her head, but she was shaken how close he was. “My father tattooed my back just before he died.” Her voice quivered at even the memory. “I don’t know if they even healed right even, but they’re there.” She knew they hadn’t, but she was afraid of Roy’s rejection.

Roy hesitated, then took a deep sigh. “I don’t care about your tattoos, don’t worry,” he breathed. He embraced her, grabbing her now-shaking body and pulling her close. He breathed into the nape of her neck. Riza tried to calm down, but she didn’t know how. “And if you think you want to do more than just sleep in the same bed, that’s fine too.”

Riza hugged Roy back, taking a deep, shuddering sigh.

“It’s okay,” he said. “There’s no need to worry.”

Would he recognize that they were alchemic notes? She took another breath, trying to calm more anxiety that crept to her. She thought about it more. This was what people did for love, and she very much loved him… “I… okay then.”

“Just... It’s alright. I love you, you know.” He kissed her neck and pulled away. “No tattoo’s going to change that.” He started walking to the bed, pulling his shirt off. He twisted, turning back to her with an expectant stare. “Do you want to?”

Seeing his puppy-like eyes look at her like that caused all her anxiety to dance away to the edges of her mind. She nodded quickly, following him to bed.

Roy sat down.

Riza twisted away, taking off her shirt with a burst of embarrassment. She laid it on the ground and turned to him. “I’m sorry...” she said to him.

“What for?” He got up, stepping to her, and holding her close again. “I’m sorry you’re so nervous.”

“It’s not that...” She breathed in his scent, like the morning after a rain. “I’m just...” She didn’t want to say that she didn’t want to do this, but she wasn’t going to ruin his night. “I’m fine.”

“Your tattoos are beautiful,” he said. “May I look at them more tonight?” His hands rubbed along the raised lines in her back, sending shivers down your spine. “God, I love you.”

She paused, unsure of what else to say. She closed her eyes, pressing her face into Roy’s shoulder. She paused before finally murmuring, “I love you too.”

 

***

Riza woke up the next morning beside Roy. She laid there for a long while, slowly becoming aware of her surroundings. He was still asleep, back rising and falling. She sighed, noticing the shafts of bright sunlight seeping in and lighting the edges of the fleece blanket.

Specks of dust danced around in the light. Riza blew out, watching them swirl around her breath as it passed.

Her mind uncluttered as she remembered what happened last night. She’d done it, and right now she felt so blissfully comfortable. It wasn’t like that for a lot of last night, but it was better now, right?

Of course it was. The morning after was probably always better. She let herself sink into Roy’s soft mattress, closing her eyes slowly, breathing in the musty air that still smelled of last night.

She felt an arm wrap around her, squeezing her tightly. Roy pressed up against her, and she felt him burying his face in her shoulder. She felt him breathe in, taking in her smell.

“Morning,” Roy said. His voice was barely more than a low grunt.

She ran her hand over his arms, taking in the feeling of the hair on his arms.

Was this love?

“Morning, she whispered.

After a long breath, Roy pulling her tighter against him, she heard him whisper, “You want me to make breakfast?”

She was sort of hungry, so she just nodded. “Sure,” she said quietly. She hugged his arm again, resting her lips just above his elbow. She loved this feeling of just… being there. Just being comfortable with someone who cared. Someone who was there for her, someone who maybe even loved her?

Of course he loved her. He wasn’t her father. She knew that.

Roy kissed the crook between her shoulder and collarbone and pulled away with a grunt, his arm slipping out of her grasp. The bed sank under his weight as he sat up. She rolled over to see him get up, bare in the empty room. He stretched. Riza couldn’t help but stare.

Roy turned back, his eyes showing that he was aware of her. “I love you, you know.”

Riza shut her eyes, sighing deeply and taking in the smell of winter air. “I love you too.”

The morning passed quickly after that. Riza couldn’t help but stare at him as he went about his morning. As he crushed coffee beans and his muscles that Riza had never even noticed before flexed with every movement. How determined he was and just how… excited he was. He just seemed so excited to be around her, and Riza felt that she could say exactly the same. She loved it here, and she never wanted it to end.

They ate their breakfasts in near silence, and Riza savoured every bite of it. She drank her coffee with him, and then finally they started to talk again. “This is so… peaceful,” Riza began.

Roy nodded quietly, blowing the steam from the top of his cup before taking a sip. “It really is.” He paused. “You’re really good company, you know.”

To that, Riza giggled. “And so are you. I mean, you’re sweet…” she lost her words for a moment, before continuing. “And of course you’re extremely loyal and strong. I’d go so far as to say devoted.” Riza ended off with a joke, but Roy didn’t laugh.

“Sorry, I meant that you are devoted.”

“Thank you…” Roy took another sip. “You’re all that and more.”

The conversation was quiet again, and finally Riza needed to head home as much as she didn’t want to. Her energy levels had started to wear low, even though her heart fluttered with every beat.

The walk was short and sunlight caused the snow around them to glitter.

Roy held the door open for her, but before she dared enter her own house she leaned into Roy and kissed him as they’d done the first time. She took a deep breath before letting go of him, and then for good measure kissed him on the cheek. Roy kissed her cheek in return, then let go of her. Riza waved him goodbye as he left her yard, the gate creaking shut behind him. Then, she closed the door behind herself, leaned back against the door. She fell to the floor, and imagined her future with Roy.

That was the day Roy Mustang disappeared.


	9. Chapter 9

Riza had found Roy’s house empty every time that she went there, for three days straight. Worry tugged at her far too much for her to let it go for another day. It was March now… On the third day, she knocked on his door and hoped against hope he’d answer it. He didn’t, and this time she finally decided to enter the house.

She twisted the doorknob, and to her surprise the door opened. A cloud of dust sweeping out from under the door caught her eyes, and she stared at it suspiciously as it started to settle. Was Roy really that invested in his notes? Had he really disappeared? She stared until it had finally settled back onto the ground. She stepped in, seeing particles dancing around in a shaft of sunlight shining in through the window.

She made her way down the hallway into the kitchen. She looked at the sink to see a bucket of water. She stepped up to it and noticed the sheet of ice on top of it. She poked it, but it didn’t break. This bucket had been left for a while.

She checked the kettle. It was half full, and frozen solid because of the metal surrounding it. Riza lifted the kettle and immediately dropped as she realized that it was freezing in here. She held her breath as she made her way up the stairs into Roy’s office. She opened it and saw the room in total disarray. The bed was unmade, blankets thrown across the floor in a pile. A pillow was halfway across the room. The curtains were pulled shut, torn in multiple places.

Roy wasn’t... kidnapped, was he? She felt fear tug at her stomach, dragging it to her feet. This wasn’t right. Why? Why would he be kidnapped?

Who?

She stepped back out of the room, noticing her bootprints leaving marks against the dusty floor. The same cold that she’d felt throughout the house greeted her.

Roy wouldn’t have frozen to death in the house?

She ran across the house, checking everywhere. Her heartbeat was in a full panic as she looked in every room. Every room was ice-cold, including the one with the woodstove. It was full of unburnt wood.

Every room though, was devoid of Roy.

He was, ok, right?

She needed to file a report to the military police. They’d find him, wouldn’t they?

She stepped out of the basement, up steep stairs that were even dustier than the rest of the house.

This wasn’t ok, this wasn’t ok.

She made her way out of the house, closing the door.

She accidentally kicked a doormat and a key came flying out from beneath it. She ran, bent over, and picked it up. He left his key, so he must have just been out. Maybe collecting groceries. But where?

There was a butcher nearby. She made her way over there quickly.

“Excuse me?” she asked quietly, looking at a massive cut of pork hanging from the counter.

A tall, lanky man with an undercut looked at her. He grinned widely. “What can I do for you?” he asked, his voice with an obvious lisp to it.

She paused, pursing her lips. “I’m looking for someone,” she said quietly.

“Ask away, hun.” He sharpened a cleaver. “We’ve got some delicious bacon. Smoked perfectly you know,” he added as a side note.

“Ah, thank you for telling me. Well, he’s a tall-ish guy. Short black hair. Bit of a babyface...”

He frowned, eyes fixed on her intently. “Well, I haven’t seen anyone like that this whole week, actually. Except for a short kid that looked like that, but a pretty lady like you probably likes better men than that, hm?” He finished sharpening his cleaver.

“Thank you,” she said in reply to both of those statements, but she was starting to feel that pit in her stomach grow. “I’ll keep looking then.” She turned, but before opening the door, glanced back at him and smiled politely. “Thank you, though.” With that, she left.

Then she started to run. No, no, no. This wasn’t good at. He was just gone? She had to file a report now. A kidnapper was even scarier than just him being out.

She turned back into the butcher’s place, preparing herself for that creepy stare again. “You wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest military outpost is, would you?”

To that, the butcher laughed. “Sure I do! I provide for its mess hall more often than not.” He looked up at the ceiling, looking like he was in deep thought. “Just on Baker street. You’ll see it. Big yard and all, it’s not hard to miss.”

“Thank you,” she said. Then she left. As soon as it looked like she was out of the way, she started to run.

Fast.

She could feel herself wheezing at the dryness of the air, but she pushed her legs to keep running. He was gone. Somewhere. Someone had taken him. That was the only explanation for it.

She kept on running, feeling herself run out of breath. At least she was close to Baker street. When she looked up, she saw the familiar amestrian flag, green with a lion roaring emblazoned on it. She kept on going, feeling her paces slow and her strides get smaller. She stopped at the corner just before the sign before she had to lean on the wall and gasp for breath. She was mid-panic, her breath hitching and hurting just to inhale. Her throat was drier than any time she was sick as a child. She kept going slower, after her fit of coughs, but still tried to keep her pace up. She met a guard at the gate, who nodded and let her into the already wide-open gates.

She walked through a large enough yard, feeling the urgency radiate through her every step.

She walked up the stairs into a large door, pushing it open. Then, she was in a large lobby. People milled about, talking about life. She noticed a couple civilians waiting around in another room. She found her way to a receptionist, a pretty girl with curly red hair and glasses. “Excuse me,” she said, suddenly aware of how old and sickly she sounded.

“Yes?” the girl asked, looking up at her in surprise. “Is there anything you need?”

“Can I report a kidnapping here?” she asked.

The girl’s eyes widened further. “I think I’ll need to refer you to a major for that one,” she said. “Give me a second. Until then, can you wait over there with the other civilians?” She asked politely enough that Riza’s toes curled, but she dismissed it as just being surprised that there was someone who was nice to her at all. It seemed to happen enough.

“Sure,” she said, already turning away. Her heart beat in tune with the rapid footsteps of the other people around her.

“Wait!” the girl said. “What’s your name so I can call you when Major McDougal is here?”

“Riza,” she said quickly, not even turning around. She kept going to the group of chairs, placed uncomfortably close to each other. She sat down a few seats away from an old lady with greying brown hair. She gripped her purse tightly, whispering words underneath her breath.

She didn’t want to talk with her. She didn’t want to talk to anyone really. She hadn’t felt this kind of panic in years. She never felt so much over anything in her entire life.

What if Roy was killed? What if he ran off and killed himself? He wouldn’t, would he?

Riza had considered so many times over the last three months, especially before she could trust Roy, but he seemed so suave, so calm, so cool. He was so sweet, too. He wouldn’t just kill himself like that, would he?

She could feel her hands gripping her skirt tightly, shaking with the fear and panic and emotions that she’d forgotten she could feel.

She wanted to cry, but in public tears never came. It was one thing she was grateful her father taught her. Masking her emotions at least made it easier to get through the day.

She was called minutes later, a tiny “Riza,” being heard over the crowd. She got up and tried to pace herself so she didn’t look too urgent, but she could still feel her skipping steps and making her strides too long.

She met the red-haired girl, standing beside a tall man with a grim face. He had high, defined, cheekbones, and his blue eyes spoke volumes of what he’d seen. “Are you Riza?” he asked, voice serious and authoritative.

She nodded rapidly. “Yes, sir.”

He held out his hand for a shake, and Riza was quick to return it. She was all too aware of the sweat breaking out on her palms as he pulled away.

“Come with me.”

They walked for a while, and Riza could feel her chest heaving. This was bad. This was wrong and terrible. He was gone, and that was all she knew. There was no evidence that he was even kidnapped, but something in her gut told her that something was wrong with Roy.

She ducked below his arm as he opened the door and motioned for her to enter. She bowed her head in thanks.

He motioned for her to sit as he got down into his own desk.

The office was small, but the desk was made of mahogany and the chairs had cushions. He was clearly someone of status. “You said someone had been kidnapped,” he said, voice gruff and deep like he was secretly a bear in human skin.

“Y-yes,” she said. “Roy Mustang.” She spoke quickly enough that he blinked.

“Repeat the name again?” he asked. She obliged, and he pulled out a notepad to write it down.

“I don’t know what happened to him. I found his room completely destroyed when I entered his house today. He’s been gone at least three days,” she said, again extremely quickly.

“I’ve got most of that,” he said. “His room was in disarray when you visited?”

She nodded quickly, aware of her hands gripping her skirt extremely tightly.

“Something was wrong,” she said. “And I know he’s been gone for a while. The house had no heat, and the water inside the kettle was frozen solid.”

“Hm.” He was focused on his notes, and when he looked p, he ran a large hand over his scalp and fidgeted with his ponytail. She noticed the dark blue chalk stains on his hands. An alchemist. “Nobody noticed he was gone?” he asked finally. “Just you?”

She nodded.

“So he doesn’t have any friends or family that you know of?” he asked. “And what’s the capacity of your relationship with him?”

She shook her head, trying to think of a way to answer that last question. “I’m his...” She paused. She didn’t want to ay girlfriend in case they weren’t officially together in Roy’s eyes. “I’m his student,” she said.

“What does he teach you?” he asked, scribbling on his notepad.

She paused. “He’s my alchemy teacher.”

With that, the man’s eyes widened. “Interesting. So he’s an alchemist that was kidnapped?” He paused. “He didn’t know any special types of alchemy, did he? Something that would make him desirable?”

Riza thought. He was a normal alchemist, unless Father taught him flame alchemy. She was about to open her mouth to answer before Major McDougal shook his head. “We’re getting ahead of ourselves,” he said. “What’s his address? I’ll send men out there to see if he was really kidnapped.”

Riza recited his address. “It’s an old house with an unshovelled sidewalk,” she said. “It’s not hard to miss.”

He nodded, writing that down. “Would you like an escort home?” he asked finally. “We can’t continue this case until we’re sure that your teacher has been kidnapped.”

Riza shook her head. “I think I’m fine, thanks.”

But if it was Flame Alchemy the kidnapper was after, he’d come for her eventually.

She’d just have to sleep a lot lighter from now on.

The Major frowned, creasing his brown cheeks. “I understand then. If you give us your address, we can send someone to give you updates on what we find.”

She gave her address, noticing that her voice had stopped shaking and she was able to talk in a calm-ish voice now. “Thank you again,” she said after.

“We’re glad you came to us about this. The state serves its people.” He flashed a small smile. “Now follow me. Your teacher’s safe in our hands. Mustang, was it?”

Riza nodded. “Yes, Sir.”

He nodded. “Is that all, then?” he asked as they made their way back into the semi-crowded lobby.

She shook her head, remembering what Roy said when he dropped her off a week ago. “Just one last thing,” she said. “I’d like to register for the military.”

Without a beat, the major said, “When I send a soldier, I’ll make sure to send him with the necessary paperwork.”

“Thank you,” she said for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“You’re welcome. Now go home and sleep well. He’ll be safe in the state’s hands. Goodbye now.”

Riza nodded her goodbye and left the building. She hoped Roy wasn’t actually taken. She’d rather a massive blow to her pride than knowing that Roy was dead. And if he was taken? She opened the door to the military complex, a blast of cold air meeting her face and freezing the tears that threatened the edges of her eyes.

If he really was taken, she hoped he was safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SSDJHGF I ACCIDENTALLY ONLY UPLOADED THE SECOND HALF OF THIS CHAPTER THE FIRST TIME


	10. Chapter 10

Riza woke up the next morning to the sound of someone rapping on her door. She crawled out of bed, almost falling to the floor. She pulled on a shirt and slipped on a pair of pants. She walked downstairs, clasping her buttons as she went. She glanced at a clock as she made her way into the entry way.

She slept in by almost two hours. She grimaced. She probably shouldn’t have rapidly filled out paperwork last night.

She stopped in front of the door and brushed the dust off of her dirty shirt. She opened it to see a man in military blues. His expression was less than grim, thankfully, but he still held himself in a stiff position. “You’re Riza Hawkeye?” he asked. His dirty blond hair was covered in frost even the snow was starting to melt now. 

She had to let her eyes adjust to the glaring white shining into her dark house. She took her time and a breath before answering, and realized just how cold it was. “Yes, sir,” she said. “I’m sorry for keeping you waiting.”

He nodded in acknowledgement, but continued on saying what he was apparently sent here to say. “We’ve got concluding information on your teacher’s case.” He reached behind him into a brown leather satchel and pulled out a small stack of paper.

Even looking at it, Riza felt tired, but she couldn’t help but feel her hands shake as she took it. “Has he been —“

“No, madam. He’s at a hotel on the other side of town.” She noticed his fists were red and waxy. Why wasn’t he wearing gloves? Then again, Riza never wore them either.

Riza glanced up at him, eyes widening. “What?” He just disappeared like that?

His face fell as seconds passed. “I’m sorry. He might just be dealing with personal issues.” He looked behind his shoulder at the empty street worriedly. “And excuse me for saying this, but why would a student even be so concerned about her teacher anyways?”

She blanched, but covered it up with a hurried whisper of, “Family friend.” She flipped through the paper, skimming long paragraphs of reports until she caught sight of the hotel’s address. “I’m glad he’s safe.” She took the paperwork under her arm, smiling. “Thank you. Is there any way I can repay you?”

He shook his head. “Taxes pay for our services.”

“Of course.” She’d learned that in her classes back at school, but knowing that he was safe was enough to make her want to give back more.

Maybe she was doing well in joining the army. When Roy taught her how to read the alchemy on her back, then maybe she’d apply for a state certificate. But for now, being a soldier felt like her way of giving back. “Thank you,” she said again.

“I’ll be on my way now. You needn’t return those to Major McDougal.” He twisted and started on his way.

“Thank you,” she whispered yet again. She looked up at the soldier, and louder, said “Goodbye!”

She waited until he was out of her yard before closing the door and leaning against it. Cold bit from beneath the cracks of the door, nipping at her bare ankles. She sighed and got away from it. A hotel across town? Why?

She made her way to the kitchen table and made room for this new stack of paperwork among the stacks and stacks she’d already had there.

She skimmed the report again, thankful that Roy hadn’t been kidnapped. It meant she was safe as an extension.

She traced the wax stamp at the bottom of the page, feeling its cold crevices and raises. She sighed quietly.

He was safe. That was good.

She closed it up and looked around, even though there was nobody that could be watching her.

She felt a smile crack on her lips as she got up from her chair, holding the last page of the case report in her hands.

He was safe, he was safe, he was safe. She laughed quietly. All her worrying had been for nothing. This was one of the few times she could say that she was happy that her work had been useless. She tromped up the stairs, finding a thicker shirt and buttoning it up all the way.

But why the hell did he disappear? Was he just taking some time off? Was he afraid she was clingy? She felt her cheeks redden in anger, but then tried to suppress it. There was no need for that. H had his reasons, and it wasn’t because he saw her as scary or anything. She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked fine, she guessed. She didn’t need to look presentable if she was just going to see Roy. 

She’d have to ask why he disappeared, but she should also be ready if he tried to spring a lesson on her immediately. She started to repeat her notes, including the latin that took her forever to learn. She calmed almost immediately as she became more confident in her words. She was fine.

There was nothing to worry about. She went downstairs and into the entry way. She pulled a coat on and pulled it on tight. 

She slipped her boots on, making sure they were up high enough her legs wouldn’t be bitten by the cold.

She could probably call a cab.

She opened the door to the outdoors and winced at the cold that immediately greeted her face. She pressed her face into the front of her coat and blew to warm herself. She looked up, blew, then kept walking. This went for a while.

She noticed the streets were completely barren. The cars must have been out of commission from the cold. She stepped on the road and almost fell flat on her face. That must’ve been why.

This was going to be a long walk, but she knew Roy was ok.

And she needed to see him.

***

Riza found herself staring at the bottom of the report more often that she was looking up at the street. The walk was long and monotonous. Even the birds were silent, but then again she’d be hiding too if there as suddenly a cold snap just before spring was supposed to break. She kept walking, faster this time, as she noticed that all around her, frost covering every surface. She sighed, fog billowing out in front of her face then falling behind her in the windless day.

She quietly looked behind her, like she was expecting something to follow her, but there was nothing. It was so bright outside in the mid-morning light that there weren’t even any shadows. She kept on going, breathing into the front of her coat to combat the cold that reddened her cheeks and nose.

She looked up and noticed that the houses thinned. She was reaching the end of town. She could barely tell because it was quiet every where. Besides the crunching of her boots in the snow, there as no noise to gauge how close to the end of town she was.

She looked up at a tree, dead and leafless, noticing the white owl that glared down at her.

She marvelled at its sheer size for a moment before the cold bit at her, reminding her to move. She kept going at the pace she was previously, frost collecting on her hair now.

She looked up at a street sign, realizing that she only needed to turn right before she was on the same road as the hotel.

She turned at the next corner and kept going. Now, she kept her head out of her jacket. Her lips froze as she looked, but she located the hotel the report talked about. She started walking faster, taking long strides. Soon, she started to jog. He was close.

He was safe, he was safe.

The need to be closer to Roy drove her to keep going, faster and faster. She slid on ice, but before she hit the ground, she found her balance and skated across the street. She found her way to a snowbank and ran on it for traction. She kept going, feeling her chest begin to tighten with the cold air irritating her airways.

She forced herself to stop. She rolled up the report and put it into her coat’s front pocket. She kept her wide strides as she made her way to the hotel. She opened the door to it, and the smell of sex and smoke hit her face. She wrinkled her nose.

Why would he be in a place like this? She tried to hide the disguise the disgust on her face as she saw an older lady, face wrinkled and hair greying. She looked like she tried to hide her age with copious layers of makeup and bright eyeshadow that gave attention to her eyes, which Riza had to admit were beautiful.

“Excuse me,” she said quietly. She noticed the older woman smile, teeth yellowed and half of them missing.

“What can I do for you?” she asked.

She looked around. “I’m looking for someone?” She resisted the urge to pull out the military report. She looked like the person who distrusted military affairs. “His name’s Roy Mustang.”

She paused, eyeing Riza up with a quick flick of her eyes. She grinned. “He’s got quite the catch this time,” she said quietly. “He’s in room 104.” She pointed nonchalantly to her right. “I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”

Riza nodded, her stomach twisting at her words. “Thanks...” she said. He wasn’t cheating on her, was he?

“You’re welcome.”

She padded down the halls, her steps quick and small. She felt like people were watching her all around.

He was here, he was safe, she repeated to herself. He was fine. She kept going, looking as she passed rooms 120, 117, 114, 111, 108... She found his room, and prepared to knock. When her knuckles hit to door, it swung wide open without even the slightest effort on her part. 

Her eyes widened at the sight.

Familiar circles covered the room in different pieces of paper. Scribbles covered half of them. Pieces of paper were crumpled on the ground into balls.

The room was a disaster, and she could recognize every single mark on those pieces of paper.

Her tattoos were drawn all across Roy’s hotel room.

Even the bed had carefully drawn circles and triangles on him.

She willed herself to move, but she could feel her heart pitter-pattering in her chest. Disgust tugged at her stomach, but fear was eventually what pulled it down to her feet. Who would do this? Roy wouldn’t. Why would...

She tried to walk silently as she could as she explored the room. Roy couldn’t notice her. Roy didn’t do this. He wouldn’t have. Maybe he was hiding out here because someone did kidnap him and was forcing him to learn her alchemy. 

Could she have been taken advantage of that easy? She felt sick at the thought, but kept going. She felt disgusted at the sight of her darkest secret plastered so blatantly across the wall.

She looked down and saw one piece of paper that differed form the rest. She didn’t have the heart to read it. This was wrong. This was disgusting. There had to be a mistake.

She twisted to Roy, who was so engrossed in his work he hadn’t even cared to notice her. “Roy?” she asked quietly. She felt her face fall enough that she had no more control over it.

“Roy!” she pressed, feeling more urgent now. This was bad. He was doing this because he was forced to, right?

Roy twisted around slowly, and his eyes locked on Riza’s. She felt rage start to boil in her chest.

Roy’s face fell. His eyes widened. She saw his jaw set as he bared his teeth. Then his jaw fell. It started to babble incoherent words.

Her heart felt like it snapped into two at that moment. He’d... He’d meant to do this.

He’d used her.

He’d disappeared just so he could learn her alchemy.

He’d had sex with her just to get a look at her back.

He’d probably gotten to know her just to learn it.

Taking a step back, she could feel her legs shake. How could he? How dare he? “I trusted you,” she said, surprisingly cold.

“I can explain,” Roy mouthed, but Riza could barely hear the whispered reply.

“How then?” she asked. “How do you explain this?” She picked up a piece of paper. “How can you explain the bags under your eyes? How long have you been trying to translate my back? How long?” She felt her voice raise. She didn’t care. How dare he. How fucking dare he.

“It was your father!” he said, getting out of his chair and rushing up to her. “He told me—“

“I don’t give a damn about my father,” she said. “I don’t care what he said or what he told you. He’s dead now, Roy.” Her fists clenched as he stopped. He took another step forward. “Get away from me,” she said.

“I needed—”

“Like hell you did.” Her throat tightened, and it hurt to speak. “He’s gone now, Roy. You’re the one that used me. It was  _ you! _ ”

Her vision blurred as tears filled her vision. “Why?” she asked. 

“I’m sorry,” she heard him whisper. “I needed this—“

She shook her head. “No, you didn’t.” She needed to leave. “You didn’t need to do this.”

She tried to walk past him, but was grabbed by the shoulder by Roy. She struggled to get away, but could barely see as it was. “Listen to me, please!”

She raised a fist and swung. She felt her fist connect with his jaw, and he let go. “No.” Her voice trembled as she said it. “You hurt me, Roy,” she said. “You went and did... this... and you knew it was wrong.”

She stared down, because she thought that was where Roy was. She couldn’t see him through the tears. “I don’t ever...” She blinked tears out of her eyes. “Ever, want to see you again. Do you understand? Ever.”

She turned around and stalked away. Every step felt heavy. She could feel heavy sobs racking her body. She’d lost control of herself as she went down the hall. She tried to wipe her tears away, but they still came, running down her face. She hid in her coat as she left.

She cried the entire way home. She was an idiot. She should’ve known. Her father was right about one thing about her. She should’ve known she was unlovable. Anyone that said they loved her were lying to get at her.

Her fists clenched as the tears froze on her face. How could he? And how could she let him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new fma game to be released in 2018: riza is FUCKING PISSED


	11. Chapter 11

When Riza got home, she fell back into her isolation, this time with two different sources of fiery anger. He’d used her. She couldn’t believe it. 

Father was right. People were cruel. The world was cruel. She wanted to scream but only could dig her face into her coat, which she hadn’t taken off yet, and seethe through its fabric.

How could he? How could she?

That sentiment ran through her mind for days, and she fell back into her old ways. She didn’t eat the entire time she was left alone with her thoughts. He was a bastard, a sick fuck, she told herself anything that could make her feel he was nothing.

And yet he was something. Some disgusting part of her still wanted to be near him, to feel his touch, to hear his deep voice cooing encouragements at her. She wanted the teacher back.

She tried to shove it down with a feeble “The teacher was lying about everything,” but part of her still pined for him. Even aside from having a teacher, she wanted that caring back. That calm presence that would make coffee whenever she came over and the man who she’d discuss her future with.

She wanted those needy thoughts gone, but they just wouldn’t leave.

She forgot how many days she was like this, alone and hating herself and hating Roy and hating the world, but eventually, her mind quieted enough that she was reminded she was still a human. She still needed to treat herself like one, and starving herself while crying in her room was going to kill her if she didn’t stop soon. She sighed loudly as she stepped down the stairs in dirty clothes. Her stomach hurt from both crying and hunger.

She ambled into the kitchen, putting the kettle on as she pulled out a bag of oats.

She threw them into a pot and poured water into it, then set it to boil as well.

She checked on the woodstove, making sure there was enough wood for her to light without needing to run out to the back shed for more.

There was plenty, so she sat down at the kitchen table and waited. There, she was reminded of the stacks and stacks of paperwork on the table, filled out and ready for submission. She’d tried to apply for the same academy Roy was at. When she took it home just a couple weeks ago, Roy had recommended it… Another pang of self-hate jabbed at her heart.

She could probably back out of applying for the army. She had no obligations yet, and as far as anyone other than Major McDougal knew, she was only a normal girl with no knowledge of alchemy. Come September, she could rejoin her normal school and continue on with her studies, forgetting Roy had ever happened.

It would be easier than living at a building across the courtyard from him, being forced to know that he was there, probably bragging about what women he’d taken advantage of. He was probably already bragging to his friends about her already, if he even had them.

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. She could probably destroy all this paperwork right now. It would be so easy. To burn it in the woodstove and never look back. But she stopped, shaking her head. What was the point in that? She still had skills (Well, knowledge. Riza hadn’t drawn a single transmutation circle throughout training. Just theory) that would be useful to the state, and thus for the people. If they’d helped her get this information about Roy, and let her know that something was wrong, then she should want to be able to help other people like her.

Even on a larger scale, she could work as a state alchemist and help people across central, and repair military machines. She knew how to transmute now and had the secret to a very powerful alchemy on her back. It would be worth it to continue learning.

She still stared at the paperwork. She still was going to train alongside Roy if she sent these in.

Maybe she could just say she was from somewhere else. She didn’t need to tell the truth on the reports and say she was from Eastern. She could probably say she was from Liore. Then she’d get placed at a different academy.

She skimmed through at least twenty pages of paperwork. Yeah, that would work. She still wanted to help, but helping along Roy would be the worst thing she could think of. She found her location on each application, and spent long moments scrubbing out the inked-in Eastern City and waited for it to dry.

The pages were clean from ink, and she just placed “Liore” in the previously-filled blanks as soon as they dried.

She hoped nobody caught her... She finished up with her application and restacked the papers. She got up, remembering she had a pot of boiling water. She checked it, and it was starting to boil over onto the stovetop, hissing and bubbling. The oats that overflowed started to singe, and Riza curled her lip at the smell of charred food. 

She sighed as she stirred the oats and pulled the kettle off. Steam was trickling up through the top but not enough for her to hear the kettle whistling. It wasn’t boiling yet, the best temperature for Riza to pour her cup of tea. She hated having to wait for it to cool down and thus oversteep it. She picked up a brick of tea, cracked off a corner, and dropped it into her cup.

Waiting was going to destroy her on most days, but now after spending long days doing nothing, the wait, and thus proof she was actually doing something with herself, was almost welcome.

She sat down in front of the paperwork, staring at it quietly. She’d just submit it tomorrow. Then she’d forget about Roy to the best of her ability and try not to think about what he was going to do with the information on her back.

And after that, she’d begin training herself in alchemy.

***

Studying alchemy was nearly impossible because memories of Roy kept flashing in her head. 

What had happened had happened, and she knew it. But still, that infernal part of her kept showing up, telling her how much easier it would be to learn with Roy at her side. To have a teacher again, to have someone smiling at her and correcting her when she was wrong. After all, how could she know what she was doing was even correct work? She might be completely fucking up her translations. Moreso she just wanted Roy back, and she knew that the idea of him being a teacher was just an excuse for having thoughts of him.

She shut her mind up by performing the transmutations she’d read to verify she was reading them correct. It reassured her that yes, she was an alchemist, and yes, she’d learned enough to start working on her own, and start researching her own alchemy. Her circles were sloppy, as she’d never really drawn them, but it was clearly effective enough.

She stopped as she heard something slip underneath a door. Her head whirled as she looked at a letter that was still sliding in from beneath her outside door. She put down her notes, and the small rocking horse that she’d made from her desk as she went to grab it. she picked it up quickly, noticing the green wax seal with a lion on top of it.

Her acceptance letter. She held her breath as she pulled it open, feeling it crack from the pressure. She skimmed it quickly, feeling her heart race. She was accepted, she was accepted... She was officially enrolled into a military academy for proper training. She couldn’t help but gape as she realized that she was starting her journey to get ahead in the world. At sixteen she already had a gateway into a career, and she knew that she would advance quickly if she kept studying her alchemy.

She was Riza Hawkeye, and she was her own person now. She didn’t need anyone to tell her she was doing alright. She knew they were all liars. Her only judge and jurors were herself, and she wasn’t going to let anyone get in her way.

***

She had one month to get prepared. Training started in may and went throughout the next four years.

She was ready for this. She hadn’t trained for it, but knew that in order to break free this was the one way to do it. She started to work out in case her physical strength was too weak to actually pass the entrance exams. She didn’t feel any actual muscle growth after the first week, just constant soreness and pain. She soon got used to it after the second week. By then, she used the last of the money Father left her to buy more clothes than just her two shirts and two skirts.

She had enough food to last her until she had to be transported to the school.

By the night before, she couldn’t sleep. Her anxiety was running on the rooftops, screaming at her to wake up and resign before she started. This was going to be hard. How did she even know she was a good enough alchemist to even qualify for state certification?

In the dusty room, with moonlight coming through into the now-warm room, she shut her eyes tighter, again trying to shut out her doubts. She knew she would become good enough. With military soldiers’ strength and alchemy that nobody else could use... She’d be good.

She remembered Roy also had her alchemy, and she prayed to God he hadn’t already applied for a license. Would he even do that?

She hoped he wouldn’t, but her faith in him was gone, if she even did have any.

Still, she might’ve been better off if he was here.

She silenced hr thoughts again and tried to go to sleep. Her mind danced around, reminding her of all her failures and shortcomings and just plain screw-ups. She wasn’t worthy, he thoughts chanted. There was no way she’d pass the military entrance exams. Let alone the state alchemist exams. There was no way that she’d find herself happy. 

Her mind was wrong. It was just the tiredness talking, the betrayal, the feeling that she was worth nothing. It was the remnants of Father talking, and she wanted him gone.

Eventually, she cleared her thoughts that she fell into a dreamless, restless sleep, but at least it was better than being tormented by the memory of a man long dead.


	12. Chapter 12

At dawn, Riza bought herself a train ticket to Liore. In order to go to a different academy she had to pretend to be from there, and as such was going to get picked up there. The military compound at five in the afternoon.

She glanced at her watch in the crowded station. It was only six-thirty in the morning, and the train boarded at seven. She dug her hands in her sweater for her acceptance letter, pulling it out. Riza Hawkeye, from Liore. She shoved it back in and made her way to the train. She couldn't help but feel people were watching her. Was her bookbag showing too much? She reached for the secret pocket sewn into the back of her sweater, but no. Her books were still smoothly packed in among it, and flipping among the signs revealed that she hadn't lost any. Phew.

She weaved her way through crowds, muttering apologies the entire way, and making sure she carried her ticket tightly. By the time she found her seat on the train, there were only ten minutes before it left, and she was crowded between a very rambunctious pair of siblings. They took notice of her, but then went back to their business.

She let her shoulders fall, shutting her eyes after such an early morning and not even having a good sleep. As the train whistled, and the train started to roll, the rhythm sent Riza into a long nap.

By the time she woke up, the train had stopped in Liore, at four-forty-five in the afternoon.

***

After a hellish rush to the compound and wheezily showing the resident major her acceptance letter, she found herself in a cramped turnip wagon filled to the brim with fellow teenagers.

All of them were huddling in with one another, already forming cliques. She could feel herself alienated again, like her school days. She didn’t belong here, her thoughts told her. She silenced them, but they crept at the edges of her mind.

She looked at the other teens, talking loudly and making friends. Her eyes landed on a woman with black eyes that sucked in all the light around her and reflected nothing. Her hair was thick, black, and curly. It was pulled into a messy ponytail, with loose locks of hair feeling down to her shoulders, covered in a sweater even though it was the middle of April.

She turned to meet Riza’s eyes, and immediately she blushed and turned away. She’d noticed. Crap.

“Hey!” she said, a bubbly voice that wasn’t at all what she imagined from her. She got up from her seat and Riza saw her easily finding her balance among the shaking cart.

There was a large bump, with the girl being thrown up into the air. Riza reached out reflexively to grab her. Her arms landed around her waist, and she pulled the woman into the chair beside her.

“Thanks,” she said, pursing her lips. “That woulda fuckin’ hurt.” There was a moment of silence from her, but there was no awkwardness. It looked like she was thinking, and Riza respected that. “But whatever. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Riza said quietly, feeling her voice shake that this girl was even talking to her.

“What was that?” she asked. She paused, then a grin broke out on her face, flashing shining white teeth with a crooked incisor. “Nevermind,” she said. 

The carriage hit a pothole, and Riza was flung into the woman’s shoulder.

“Easy there. What’s your name?”

“Riza.” Her face was probably redder than a beet at this moment, but she hoped the dust kciked up from the gravel road hid that.

“Nice to meet you,” she said. “I’m Rebecca.” She held out her hand, making direct eye contact with those unlit black eyes.

She took the handshake, noticing the slight curl of Rebecca’s lips. “So why’re you joining?” Rebecca asked finally.

She pursed her lips, and opened them to try and say something, but instead of air coming out, dust flew into her mouth. “I want to help out the people,” she said through ragged coughs and the tiny rock that lodged its way in the back of her throat.

“Jeez, you ok?” she asked. Rebecca slapped Riza’s back, dislodging the pebble. “You don’t go on these dusty roads a lot, do you?”

She shook her head, grateful that Rebecca had helped her out there.

“Well, you gotta turn your head away from the dust path. Where you from, anyways? Definitely not Liore.”

“Eastern.” She barely opened her mouth, still afraid she was going to choke on dust in front of this beautiful girl again.

She laughed at that. “Eastern, huh?” She flashed that crooked smile, but it looked charming on her dirty face. “Why’d you choose to go to this academy? I’d give an arm and a leg to go to the Eastern camp.”

She knew that it had better classes. It was one of Roy’s selling points. “Someone that I’d rather avoid is there,” she said, realizing how cold she sounded.

“Ah!” she said. “That makes more sense. There’s quite a few assholes I’d rather avoid back at home, you know.” She sighed, turning away from the dust flying up at their faces. “But alas. They should be coming in on the next few wagonloads. And I didn’t want to lie on the—“

Riza shushed her quickly, realizing that she put her hand over Rebecca’s mouth.

“Sorry,” she said. “I forgot that there were consequences for that.”

She was dang right there was. Riza didn’t want to be the recipient of them, but even the consequences were worth not seeing Roy. “So...” She looked for a subject to switch to, but her mind turned up blank every time she caught a glance of those shining, carefree eyes. “Why’re you enlisting?”

She was quiet as her face fell. “Ishval. I just want it to end, and I don’t want to kill people for it to happen, but...” She sighed again, closing her eyes. “A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, you know?”

She smiled at that statement’s truth. “Yeah,” she huffed. The cart fell into a pothole, jerking her downwards then upwards.

“Whatever. We’re going to train for our own purposes. And I guess you’ve enlisted because that’s the thing to do, right?”

That wasn’t the reason, but she’d take any excuse at this point. She nodded solemnly, trying not to notice her steady stare on her.

They sat in silence, Rebecca gripping the back edges of the cart surely but also enough that she could shuffle around on her own. Riza held on with one arm like her life depended on it, and used the other to put her arm over her brow, shielding herself from the now-glaring sun and the pebbles that would otherwise hit her eyes.

Rebecca started to scoot away as she made her way across the turnip cart to the group of boys she was with earlier. She twisted back and grinned. “Well, it was nice to meet you, Riza!”

She gave her a tiny smile, waving her hand enough that her hands flared out then fell back into their previous positions.

She really, really, liked Rebecca. She hoped she’d dorm with her.

***

The turnip cart slowed to a stop as the horses passed a massive wooden-fenced fort. She saw the logs hauled up, sharpened to a point on the top ends so nothing could get over it.

Ahead of her, there were two buildings on the other sides of the camp. In the centre, there was another building, probably filled with classrooms.

She glanced around her and saw a massive track to her right, just beside one of the dorms. There were a pair of men waiting in front of the central building, and she couldn’t help but stare at them as the horses made their way over.

She was aware of the murmurs of her new classmates as well. The boys that Rebecca was with were clambering over each other, their testosterone already pumping. She urged herself to have that same excitement, but she couldn’t think of much at all besides how this would help her progress, how she would surpass all those who wronged her.

This was just another step to becoming a state alchemist.

The horses finally stopped, leaving a trail of hoof-shoe prints in their wake, which Riza stared at simply because she’d never seen a horse before.

She waited for the other students to crawl out of the carriage. She left quickly as soon as the way was clear. She prepared to stand in line, legs apart and behind her back.

“Line up,” the first man said, dark-skinned and black-haired. He sounded gruff, his voice commanding enough that it shut up all thirty students that had been cramped in the wagon.

She was already in position and waited for the others to line up beside her. Rebecca found her way beside her. Riza stole a glance at her to see if there was any emotion in her eyes. They still shone, but her brow furrowed, serious.

Eventually, all was finally still, and the first man barked out in laughter. “What a sorry bunch you guys are!” he said. He twisted around to the second man, his eyes covered in a pair of large spectacles. He was young enough, but he was tall enough that he could easily have been taken for someone much older than them if his face was covered. “How long did that take?” he asked.

The younger man glanced down at his stopwatch, frowning. “Almost an entire minute,” he said. He sounded haughty, like a rich man’s pet who was trying to establish dominance over the furniture.

The older man, and Riza looked at the stars on his shirt and assumed that he was a much, much, higher-ranked individual than them, barked another sound of laughter, as gruff as it was. “Amazing,” he said. “Well don’t worry, we’ll shape you up right quick.”

She noticed his grin and felt like she was sick. This man was serious, and she should have expected it, but she had no clues the lengths this man will go to shape them up. He reminded her of Father, and she hated it.

“Now.” He pointed to their right, and all the students except for Rebecca looked. “Did I say you could look?”

Riza turned back, face red that she was already screwing up so badly. She should just follow Rebecca’s lead. She looked like she had this under control.

“Now look to your right.” They all did now. Riza noticed the complete look of stoicism on her face. She tried to mimic it, and it wasn’t hard. She’d done it for years now, she just needed to mask that familiar fear that she’d almost forgotten. “Over there are the girls barracks. To your left are the mens barracks. At sunrise every morning, we expect you to meet here, and if any of you are late, the entire group of you will be punished accordingly.

Riza nodded, looking at the other girls in the group. There were ten other girls by the looks of it, and it seemed every one of them took this just as seriously as she did. Rebecca looked like she saw this as a matter of life or death. For someone from Liore, it probably was. She’d only been there for hours but it was completely torn by the Ishvalan war.

She pitied her for that second, but then found kinship that both were suffering in their own way. She’d never say it aloud.

“Do you understand?” the old man shouted.

“Yes sir,” she said with the others.

“For Amestris,” he said. 

“Your dorms are assigned already, and you’ll find suitable uniforms and bedding for yourselves in your room. You may take your leaves now.”

***

The dorm buildings were old, beams of wood hanging from the ceiling in the worst part. It reminded her of her own home, and none of the other girls were apparently complaining. She walked beside Rebecca, hoping that she got to dorm with her. “So,” she said loudly. “I guess we’re officially soldiers now, huh?”

She thought on that for a moment. “Not until we graduate, I think.” Or at least pass the entrance exams. On the applications, those were in a day. “Should we train for our exams?” Riza asked underneath her breath.

“Why?” Rebecca looked away at another dorm room, reading the sign before turning back to her. “You worried?”

Riza stayed silent, amazing at how well she was called out.

“Pfft, you don’t need to. You should’ve seen how desperate they were for soldiers, even in Liore. The only way you won’t pass is if you die.”

They kept walking as Riza thought on that. She was worrying for nothing then? If she’d gone out more or knew more people in Eastern, then she would have been aware of it.

Rebecca stopped, leaving Riza to stumble into her. She apologized quietly, but Rebecca stared at the door not even noticing her. “Ah, here I am.” She placed her hand on her hips, a cloud of dust blowing out from the holes in her sweater. “Now let’s see...” She stepped up to the door. Her boots clomped, leaving behind dusty treads. “Hey..!” she shouted, twisting back to Riza. “We’re together!”

Riza’s jaw hung open. What? She stepped up to see it. “Nice,” she said quietly.

“I was thinking the same thing.” She opened the door, revealing a tiny dorm with two desks, a bunk bed, and a window with broken shutters that let in the evening light. “You’re a pretty cool birdie, don’t you know?”

Birdie? She’d never heard that one. Apparently it showed. “You’re an Eastie girl, aren’t ya? How’d you never hear Birdie?” She climbed up the top bunk, sitting on it and kicking her boots out. “Never mind,” she said. “It means you’re a pretty cool girl.”

She laid down, her legs sticking out over bottom bunk. “I can’t believe you’ve never heard slang....” she said. “Do you live in a rock?”

She pursed her lips. Rebecca was good at finding stuff out, apparently. How long until she found out that Riza was an alchemist? Or at least learning how to become one on her own?

It’d probably take minutes.

She watched as Rebecca heaved herself up, leaning over the bed and jumping down. “Well either way, I claim top bunk,” she said. She paused and noticed the book bag over Riza’s shoulder. “You took a bag?” she asked. “How’d you sneak it in?”

There was a hidden pocket in the back of her sweater, and she needed at least these alchemy books in order to study. “Guess you’ll have to find out yourself.”

“Well what’s in them?” she asked. 

“Just a few books. They’re important to me.”

“Ah.” She brushed the dust out of her sweater, letting it fall onto her legs then settle onto the ground. “Well I guess I’m not going to look in ‘em, right?”

She nodded. That was exactly what she didn’t want her to do. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Now let’s go see how the other girls are doing.” She stretched her arms out, then again rested her eyes on Riza’s book bag. She instinctively pulled it in closer, but Rebecca laughed at that. “Maybe you can hide that in the desk drawers. And don’t worry, I’m not going to look in them.”

With that, she strode out and turned right into the halls. Riza clutched the bag, but didn’t want Rebecca to even know where it was. She tossed it under the bunk bed and ran to follow the other girl.

 


	13. Chapter 13

Riza felt that she really shouldn’t have been here. She wished that maybe she had trained harder instead of spending all that time moping and figuring out paperwork. The course in front of her was laid out to be enough to cover her in mud even if she did fall. Her heart sank as she saw the spikes at the top of climbing walls. She looked around and she was the only one who looked as confident as she felt. That was to say, no confidence whatsoever.

“Alright!” The first general said, and she immediately went to draw her attention to him. That was what she was supposed to do anyways. “This is the last of the tests. If you’re here, you’ve passed every other test.”

She looked around, realizing that there had been exactly as many teens here now as there were on the cart yesterday. The difference was that everyone looked slightly more tired.

Except for Rebecca of course, who smiled at the sight of the course.

_Just try to mimic her, just try to mimic her._ She tried to let a halfhearted smile crack on her face, but Riza was no Rebecca. She let her face fall back into its natural stone-cold, stoic expression, the tension on her face released. She watched as the general started to gesture by twitching his moustache because his arms were behind his back. “There will be no timer on this test, but how well you do against your new comrades will be the factor in how well you score. And how well you score…?” he asked, waiting for the students to answer.

Riza included, everyone was silent. Then Rebecca piped up, like always. “Determines our future rank on the field.”

“Right!” he said. “And if you guys don’t start participating, I’ll send you guys back to Liore, and let me tell you, it’ll be hell to fight Ishvalans when you have no training!”

“Yes sir!” All the actual Liorians saluted, Riza following suit.

The general with a moustache hat covered half of his face scowled at her,but then continued with his lecture. “Now, when I fire this gun...” He pulled a pistol out of his pocket and held it up to the air. With his other hand he twirled his moustache, and Riza could see a playful glint in his eye. “You all go. Now, all’s fair in love and war, so there are no rules. Throw each other into the pit if you want to.”

Riza nodded quietly, feeling the sun bare down onto her neck, causing her to start sweating bullets. She gritted her teeth, and even though the others were sweating, they didn’t seem to notice at all.

“Now.” He fired. “Go!”

Thirty teenagers bounded onto the obstacle course. Riza made sure to stay behind just so she could see how the others reacted to the first of their obstacles.

They climbed up over the wall with ease, and a young man was the first to fall over. She heard him crash down onto the bottom of the wall, and she winced at the sound of his cry of pain. Riza knew what to do now, though. She ran up to the wall.

She gripped the top of the fence, her hands wrapping around the sharpened points of the logs. She felt her legs flail around before she gripped the logs with her boots. She tensed and pulled herself up, grating her teeth. She hissed as she felt the burn in her biceps. She kicked again, her legs screaming as she pulled herself over. She got herself so that her chest was over the top. She pulled herself over, kicking her leg over, then fell on her side. The breath was knocked out of her, but she rolled out of the way before the other boots hit the ground around her.

“Gotta go,” someone said as she landed perfectly. Full of energy, Rebecca burst past her, her tied around her waist.

Riza pulled herself up, her ribs already screaming at her, and kept going. This time, she was at least slower. She found herself at a mud-filled pit with a set of bars above them.

Come on. Her arms already hurt enough. She just had to keep on going. She jumped, gripping the bars. She fell over once, and a boy took the opportunity to get in front of her. He turned around, wide eyes shining. “See ya!” he said, then laughed as he effortlessly swung across the bars. She jumped up, this time her hands gripping on. She made her way across, blocking the other students out of the way as she went. Her hands grew slick with sweat, so she kept on going.

She hit the ground, this time landing more gracefully, but the shock in her knees sending a jolt of pain to her waist. She brushed the sweat off, and found herself sprinting. She had to rank highly. She’d only get further ahead than just a major if she had to end up as the top of the class. She had to at least be as good as Rebecca. That was the one thing she had to do. Rebecca was her enemy at this point.

She kept on running until she nearly fell straight into another pit of mud. The only thing that stopped her was the massive net that tripped her so she landed spread-eagled onto it. She gripped the rope, pulling herself up, but her legs slipped through the holes in the net, smashing against her crotch bone. She gasped in pain. pull yourself up, pull yourself up, pull yourself up. She kept on. She could barely feel her arms as she kept going. Her back was covered in sweat, and the evening light made this completely unbearable. She hissed in pain. She had to win. Top of this race. She looked up, and the boy and Rebecca were hauling ass, two obstacles ahead.

She kept crawling along the net. She was probably doing this wrong but she definitely hit this net at a disadvantage. Other students came along, walking on the net like a proper tightrope as she pulled herself along. She kept going, kept going, kept going. That was her mantra. What she had to do.

She pulled herself off the rope pit, standing up. Her lungs were raw, her stomach muscles taught enough that it hurt to breathe. She should have researched what was going on. She should have known what military soldiers do.

She knew that she wasted so much of her time.She barely even learned any alchemy. She was an idiot, a fool, someone who deserved all that she got.

She hissed hot breath from her mouth. She twisted around, and all the other students were on her tail.

She barely saw as she hurled herself over another cliff, and Riza screamed in horror for those quick seconds as she noticed a rope. Grab, grab... She did, the rope sliding with hot fire. Her entire hands burned, peeling away until her arms hit a knot at the end. Legs flailing, her arms jerked as she swung down. Fuck, fuck, fuck!!

She hit the ground, rolling over one, two, three times. She fucked up. Her entire body hurt. She should have thought of this better. She needed to consider what she needed to do, but no. She was a goddamned idiot. She groaned in pain, trying to pull herself up. She heard another cry of surprise, and Riza pulled herself, her knees throbbing as she started to run again.

She saw the finish line, where Rebecca and that other boy were waiting for her. She hissed in pain as she finally crossed it. Then she sat down on the floor, gasping for breath.

“Well well well!” Rebecca said. She squatted down next to her. “Didn’t think you could get in so well, you know?”

Riza nodded, feeling her lungs scream at her. She couldn’t say anything. Even her gasps came out ragged, and the hot arid landscape mixed with the dust in the air really didn’t help.

“Don’t hate me for saying this, but you seemed way more bookish than this. It’s a miracle that you came just behind me and Ty. You look pretty beat up though, you know?”

“I’m definitely more bookish than this,” she heaved.

Rebecca laughed, slapping Riza’s wet back. She winced. “A sense of humour too? God, I can’t wait to see what the army does with you.”

“What’s that...”

“They don’t like folks like you,” she said, gasping just once before taking a deep breath and stopping. “Folks with minds and whatnot? You’re the absolute worst kind of person for them. They either make you a captain or kill your brain.”

“Hope it’s the first,” she said.

“You and me both.” Rebecca leaned back on her arms, and Riza twisted to see the beauty of her, energy expended, but still smiling and beautiful.

“You’re a fucking sap, Becca.” Another girl with her hair pulled back into a bun ran in, gasping for breath like Riza. “And how the fuck did you guys get in so fast?”

“Well these fuckheads sucked at their obstacles,” the boy, Ty, said.

“We know that,” Rebecca said. “And I was totally fine.” No defense for Riza, she noticed. That was fair. She felt completely beat, and if this was the basic training, she felt like she couldn’t handle any more than that. She took another deep breath, feeling her lungs calmed down. Her arms still screamed with pain, but adrenaline kept the worst of it down. She could feel the sand digging into her hands, inflaming her rope burn more.

“This birdie here’s a fast runner though,” Rebecca said as she rubbed sweat off of her forehead. “Either way, I guess we’re going to beat y’all at this thing.”

More students had appeared. “Fuck you, Catalina,” a boy with a red undercut said, clasping his hands and huffing in pain.

“I will, don’t need to tell me.”

Riza laughed at that, knowing she shouldn’t have.

The second-last student to come in, a boy with blonde hair that was cut into a buzzcut, kneeled down in front of her, hands on his knees. “Who the hell are you anyways?” he asked.

She stared at his green eyes. “Riza Hawkeye...” she said. “Who’re you?”

“Cody Fallinger.” He brushed sweat off his brow. “And let me tell you this. I’m going to win this. I’m going to kick your ass in everything besides this test, you hear me?”

“Good luck with that, asshole.” Rebecca leaned over and tapped him on the nose. “You can’t run worth shit.” A smug grin on her face, and Riza felt her heart start to race again. She didn’t want to say it, but she might have been in love with this woman.

The general stalked over, a wet towel in his hand. “Well done, soldiers. Some of you really excelled.”

Rebecca beamed, but then he continued. “Let’s see how long that’n lasts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stan talent stan rebecca catalina


	14. Chapter 14

Riza soon came to realize just how unprepared she was. She knew that she was a book-minded woman before coming to this camp, but didn’t connect that meant she should have trained harder.

She memorized the formations and terminology any time she was asked to learn it, and her hard studies had prepared her for that. She noticed that everyone took twice as long to read their textbooks, compared to her. And maybe she should have slowed down to take in the information, but the information came to her readily.

She was grateful for that, because if she didn’t have that skill, she never would learn the alchemy on her back. 

Sadly, her bookishness didn't mean anything in the face of actual physical training. And the fact that she didn't try to do anything physical before being shipped off to here was something she regretted heavily.

So having finished the assigned reading, she sat in the class with a small stack of paper in front of her. She didn’t need to, but scrawled notes onto it. She just needed to look like she was doing something, and somehow that teacher knew when she was practicing drawing (random transmutation circles that she erased before she could activate them, mostly).

She looked up from her own notes when she heard writing on the board in front. The teacher, a Captain called Vernon, was writing down questions. When he was done, he whistled to catch the students’ attention. “You have until the bell rings to finish. Begin.”

“Yes sir.” And then, silence descended on the classroom again. Captain Vernon leaned against the chalkboard beside the writing, and Riza analyzed the questions. Formations… she ran through her mind on a Shepherd-code formation, then another on the Golden. Idly, she pencilled her answer down on the paper. Then she looked down at it, and neatened the writing up. She repeated the process until again she was done long before anyone else.

She looked beside her and saw that Cody was scribbling away at his own work. Rebecca, on the other hand, was flipping through her book for the answers. She was biting her lip nervously and Riza wished that she could, at least to ease her anxiety.

She looked back at her own work and read through her answers. They felt too wordy, but it seemed the teachers were impressed by that here. She looked back at Cody, who twisted to glare at her, as if to tell her to stop cheating or something. She respected it, and went back to pretending to write notes on a separate page.

“Hawkeye, if you’re finished place your work on my desk,” Vernon said drily. Clearly he didn’t want any idling.

“Yes sir.” She bowed her head, got up, and tried not to smudge her writing as she carried her tablet to his desk, sliding it in front of him. She walked back to her desk, sitting uncomfortably.

“This is the last class for the day,” he said, looking over his glasses to show her an unimpressed glare.“You may head back into your dorm until evening drills.”

“Yes sir,” she said yet again, picking up her textbook and chalk. She carried her supplies under her arm and tried to leave silently, just to make sure she didn’t get noticed, but she felt the glares on her. She felt like they’d target her. That was the only way to explain it.

Even though she was the first to finish class, and it would be a while for the next student to submit and leave, she walked faster. She didn’t want anyone near her, and she needed the headstart to study anyways. If Rebecca took as long as she did to finish her reading, then she at least had time to start practicing.

When she got to her room, she dropped her textbook on her bunk, reaching under for her book bag.

It was untouched, still clipped over and knotted in the special way Riza did so she knew if anyone went looking through it. She pulled a tiny string at the top, and the entire knot came loose. She pulled her alchemic texts out and her translation guide.

She locked the door to her dorm and pulled her shirt off.

She traced the lines on her back with her left, translating over with her right. She could only understand the circles, though. Those, bright on the page but blank and devoid of any of the actual research, were easy enough to learn. The fiery insignia at the top was nothing new, and she knew that because of all the movement she was doing now the scars would never heal right. She put her head to her face, sighing quietly

Just keep writing, she told herself. Just keep writing. She used her left arm, at least trying to feel for the horizontal lines of writing. Then maybe she’d be able to differentiate the individual letters so she could actually work.

She lightened the pressure on her pen as she drew tiny, horizontal lines through the circles.

The writing was at least positioned like that. Her fingers had a path to trace.

She heard the bell ring.

Quickly, she rolled up her tattoos’ half-transcribed template and shoved it into a pocket in her book bag.

She took the books and put them in. She tied her knot, rushed, but enough that it was un-untieable unless she pulled a certain string, then threw it beneath her bed. She picked her shirt back up and slipped it on, buttoning it up.

When she was almost at the last button, she heard a knocking on the door.

“Yoo-hoo!” Rebecca said, almost irritably, then started rapping harder.

“Coming.” She threw her shirt on and opened the door, a pained grimace on her face. Rebecca smiled in response.

“Why’d ya lock me out?” she asked.

Rebecca grimaced. “Sorry,” she said quickly. “I just needed to do something. Was getting changed.”

Becca closed the door, twisting the knob so it locked. “You just needed to read your books in peace, right?”

She froze in her tracks. “How’d you know there were books in there?”

“You told me, remember?” She hopped up onto her bunk. “Either way.” A deep sigh came from her as plopped down onto her bunk. “This place’s going to kill me...”

She shook her head. “How, though?” She did so much better than everyone else at any physical training, while Riza stayed in the centre of the bell curve.

“You wouldn’t get it, city girl.”

“Come on, tell me.”

She saw Rebecca lean over the edge, glaring at her straight in the face. “I can’t do classwork for shit, it’s part of why I signed up for this place. And then I find out there’s a shitton of reading to do actually, and of course I’m left in the dust _again_. How do I expect to join the military when I can’t do fuck all in the reading department?”

Oh. Riza looked down at her shoes, encrusted in caked-on dust.

“I told you that you wouldn’t get it,” Rebecca sighed. “You coulda been a fuckin’ nurse or anything, why are you training to be a soldier?” Riza took a mental note that Rebecca swore a lot, probably a stress thing.

“I wanted to join so I can reach a certain position faster,” she said.

“Like what?”

Riza bit her lip. No matter how much she wanted to entrust Riza with the fact she was an alchemist, she didn’t want another Roy to happen. “I’ll have better chances getting the job I want with military training,” she said after a pause. Even then, she said her words slowly, carefully, measured.

“Of course.”

Rebecca really needed this, if life in Liore was as bad as she’d implied. She obviously couldn’t afford to not get a military job.

“I can help you,” she said on impulse.

“Really now.”

“I can,” she said. “I’ll help you study. Your grades will probably raise if you’ve got someone with you…”

“That’ll be a feat.” She sat up and slid down, the mattress following behind her because of her weight. “Either way...” She grinned, her eyes shining. “If you can, that’d be amazing.”

Riza nodded. Of course she’d be able to.


	15. Chapter 15

Months passed, and eventually Rebecca's grades did improve. And of course, she surpassed Riza on every single physical drill. It was something that made her proud, that she had someone she could teach and the results would actually show through. She felt wrong for feeling validated whenever she taught, but at the same time if her teaching did work she couldn't help but feel a beam of pride for it. She was a teacher, just like Roy had been as well.

It was another thing she could use to surpass him.

The months turned into two years, and Riza had taught Rebecca enough that she knew exactly what she needed to get ahead. They stopped focusing on unnecessary stuff, so if Rebecca wanted to pursue a career like Riza did, then she'd be able to. They were both 18 now, Riza having turned it a couple of months ago, and Rebecca about to turn 19 in a month.

It was during one of these lessons, late enough at night that nobody would ever have noticed, that Riza saw a mischievous glint in the curly haired girl's eyes.

"What's that about?" she asked after a while of Rebecca sneaking glances at her.

"Hm?" Rebecca replied. Her eyes widened in mock surprise. "What's with what?"

"That!" Riza whispered in response. She didn't wanna wake anybody up, and to that Rebecca did it more. A dark-eyed stare into Riza's own eyes, and it felt like all the light in the room was swallowed by the inky black. She could feel the warmth flood to her face.

"Don't know what you're talking about," Rebecca said as she turned back to her work. "Think you're a little loopy," she singsonged. To that, Riza kicked the chair jokingly.

"I'm not, you're acting weird." Stubbornly, she looked over Rebecca's shoulder to see what she was working on. Messy doodles littered the margins of her papers, and Riza found herself looking at those more than the questions that she'd given her. "You're right for all of these but one," she said after a moment. She pointed to the bottom of the page, tracing her finger below the messy writing. "The bone that you're talking about is the femur, not the patella."

"We don't need medical stuff though," she said, before sneaking yet another glance at Riza.

"It's always worth it to know," Riza shot back. She felt the flush growing even further up her face. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Rebecca paused, biting her lip like she always did when she was thinking. "You look tired." She tapped her pen to the paper, dripping splatters of ink against it.

"I've gotta help you here," Riza said. "Just something a good friend would do.."

"You're still tired though," Rebecca pressed. She got out of her seat and immediately wrapped her arm over the other's shoulder. Riza recoiled. "Relax." She leaned into Riza's ear, then whispered quieter than she had ever whispered, "Let's sneak out."

Now, Riza recoiled even further. "We'd get caught!" she hissed, but was greeted with a slight pat on the shoulder.

"We really wouldn't. It's like 2 in the morning."

"Then we should sleep," Riza said defensively. She stepped back, ducking out of Rebecca's grasp.

"Sure sure," she said. "Let's go on and do that." Then, she crawled up onto her bunk. "Lemme tell you though, there's some real fireworks going out there tonight."

She didn't hear any, but she pulled off her shirt (leaving her undershirt on), and crawled into bed, listening intently.

"There's a meteor shower tonight actually," Rebecca said. "There's a ton just going down… reminds me of home." There was a creaking from above Riza. "I used to crawl to the top of the temple and look at them whenever they came down. Me and the other girls would then… howl at them," she said after a moment. "It was freeing."

Riza got the hint, but really, really didn't want to go out. She looked up at the bunk ceiling. "We can look at them outside the window," she said finally. "No sneaking out though…"

To that, there was silence from the top bunk. Then, finally, "I'd take that."

And no howling, but she assumed that Rebecca would understand. "Come on up," Rebecca said, and Riza pulled herself out of her bunk. Her arms tensed as she pulled herself onto her bunk, then ached after the long drills they'd been doing all day reminded her that she really should be resting herself.

There, Rebecca was waiting for her. Her hair glimmered in the moonlight, and she then impatiently turned to the window. Her face was practically against it, and Riza pulled herself just as close to look outside.

There, she saw them. The meteors, coming into the earth fast enough that they disappeared before they even hit the ground. Flying so fast that they couldn't actually do anything besides burn. The sight was almost spiritual, and she felt herself wishing such a beautiful sight didn't last for such a short, short time.

"They're beautiful," was all Riza said.

"They really are." Rebecca turned towards Riza and she noticed her eyes linger. They sat silently, watching shooting star after shooting star disappear into the night sky. Then after a moment, Rebecca spoke again. "I think, when this war is over and we're all able to get back to our lives, that you and I should… hang out more?" She said the last part as if she was searching for the words.

"What do you mean?" She tore her eyes away from the window to see Rebecca's determined stare, and still, that bit lip.

"I mean…" She stopped. "I mean that I really like you, and after this is all over, people usually just go back to their hometowns and try to forget their service. You and I should try to keep in touch…" She trailed off, then clenched her fists and went back to looking out the window. "Never mind." She sounded frustrated as she pulled a curly lock of hair away from her face.

"Not nevermind, no!" Riza found herself saying. "You're right." Riza liked Rebecca as a friend too, and leaned into her. "We should make sure that we don't just… forget eachother." She looked out to the stars, as more meteors fizzled out of existence. "We're friends… and friends stick around forever, right?"

"Of course," she said. "If you've ever had a friend, that's what the real ones do."

Riza nodded, realizing she hadn't had that many real friends. "We're real, right?"

To that, she felt Rebecca stiffen beneath her. Then, she relaxed, and Riza felt the weight of Rebecca's head leaning on her. "Of course we are," she said.

She sighed, her chest heaving, as she felt drowsiness take over her on the other girl's shoulder. The warmth and solidity of her made her feel like she was completely safe in Rebecca's arms. It didn't seem like Rebecca was objecting either, so she let the sleep start to take over her, at least for a little bit.

The shower went on in her blurred vision, and it was almost like she could feel their bursts of flame, even if when her eyes finally closed, she could no longer see them.

Flame…. Alchemy…. The thought that she was keeping this a secret finally hit her… Her eyes opened slowly. "We're real, right?" she asked again, drowsily this time.

"Hm?" Rebecca asked. Clearly she was getting tired too. "Course."

"I've…" She tried to think of the words to say. The idea that Rebecca would be mad at her for keeping this from her came to mind, but she tried not to stop herself from saying it. "Got something to tell you."

"Oh?" Rebecca straightened, and her weight disappeared from above Riza.

"I really feel bad for this, but…"

Before she could finish her sentence, the drowsiness was slapped out of her by the sirens wailing. An emergency.

She quickly got up, and Rebecca got the idea too. They jumped out of their beds and Riza quickly pulled her trainee garb back on. She couldn't smell fire and hadn't been able to for the entire time she was awake, so it couldn't be that. She racked her brain, but decided to leave her alchemy books behind because she didn't think they'd be destroyed. Doors slammed open down the hall, so Riza shoved her boots on. "Let's go!" she heard Rebecca say. Riza nodded and followed behind her. They slammed the door and were greeted with half-awake students making their way down the halls as quickly as they could.

Riza could feel the panic overwhelm her. What was going on? She grabbed Rebecca's arm so she didn't get lost in the crowd, and went for the courtyard outside of the building. Again, no smoke. And this wasn't the battle alarm… this was an emergency assembly, but what emergency?

When she got to the courtyard she made her way into the neatest lineup she could find, pulling Rebecca beside her. She let go of her arm then, and stared into the other girl's eyes. "What's going on?" she mouthed, but Rebecca shook her head. She had no clue either.

Then, she saw a general make his way out from the male dorms, with the last of the men following behind them and joining the half-baked formation. She stood up stiffer instinctively, and nearly fell over from drowsiness.

"Soldiers!" he shouted, and Rebecca realized they were no longer cadets in his eyes. She looked at Rebecca, who shared the wide eyed look. "We have orders to take every trainee we can and mobilize!" She heard quieter, "Order 3066."

To where though? Rebecca could feel herself on her toes.

"The situation in Ishval is a national emergency. We need to move as quickly as possible." There was a moment of silence before he shouted "Grab your packs and uniforms! We form again in five minutes and leave in ten! That's an order!"

"Sir yes sir!" Riza, Rebecca, and thirty other soldiers shouted in unison. Riza and Rebecca immediately left, as did the rest of them. They ran back to their dorm, and given they were relatively fast didn't get caught in the stampede. Riza immediately went to shove her alchemy books in her pack, as well as anything else that was actually required. She knew that they wouldn't be coming back. Rebecca was packed almost immediately. She didn't have much besides the supplies she'd already put in her bag days before. She was a lot more resourceful than Riza, and she cursed herself for not thinking of that.

She pulled one last thing from her drawer, one last ingredient to her alchemy that she'd never tested before. Flint dust that would allow her to create a spark from simply snapping. If her theories and her readings of her own back were correct, this would be the final ingredient to flame alchemy. The spark to fan into a flame…

"Coming?" Rebecca shouted. Riza nodded, shoving it into her backpack's pocket and running out the halls. She realized that the both of them were almost the last, and she fell back into formation. The last from the men's dorms and the women's' dorms fell into line as well, then finally the general ordered silence.

The students did exactly that.

"Now, privates! We move. We need to be in Ishval in two days, and if we're going to make that deadline, we need to make good time. Now, hop to!"


	16. Chapter 16

The walk to Ishval lasted the rest of the night, then only a couple hours of rest, then another afternoon and night on the move.

By the time she made it to Ishval her legs were jelly, but obviously so were many of the others. Her back ached from the packs on her back, to put it lightly. She was glad that it was night time, so she at least didn’t have to get put on duty immediately, like Grumman had warned her. They were stopped by a flagpost, no flag on it given that it was nighttime.

She waited to be greeted by their new superior, again as the general had instructed while they were on the move.

She saw a man stalking out to them, head raised high but his hands in his coat's long pockets.

“Evening, soldiers.” From a distance, he was barely visible.

He made his way closer, and Riza already got into a neater formation, compared to the earlier one where everyone was moving at different enough speeds that it was a mess. She placed her hands behind her back, legs spread apart. Not at a salute yet, she wasn’t sure if the soldier was any higher raked than her, especially if he was walking so casually towards them.

When he got closer and into the torchlight (Held by Cody at the front and Melissa at the back,) she got a good look at his face. He had a a heart-shaped face and black, spiky hair that went straight up down his scalp. He was... barely their age. Maybe he was a year older at nineteen, but he was too young to be their superior. She stole a glance at his shoulder, and sure enough there were multiple stars there. A captain already...

“Good evening,” he said again, “Have a good walk?”

She was too tired to say anything, and the other twenty-five were just as tired as she was.

“Well nevermind that,” he said. He kicked sand as he walked. “I’m Captain Hughes. We’re pretty much the Human Shield squad at this point, but soon enough we’ll get a State Alchemist and we can actually start contributing.” He sounded impatient, tired… “Either way, the important thing is that you know where your dorms are.

Riza noticed, in the stark orange lighting, the backpack on Hughes’ back. “And of course, your uniforms. It’s hot out here,” he said, but at this point Riza knew it was. He put his bag down, slinging it over his shoulder and placing it in front of him. He pulled out a cloak made of thin white cloth. “Everyone’s going to get one of these. Helps with the heat.”

He paused, handing the first one to Cody and dropping it in the arm that didn’t have a torch. “And you’ve got to wear this over your uniform. This is just a sunblock at this point.” He handed the next one to Rebecca, who slung it over her shoulder. Then to Riza, who repositioned her hand and let the cloak fall behind her back.

Soon enough, everyone had a cloak, and Hughes sighed, stepping back. “Well, you’re dorms are that way. Soon as dawn comes, I want to see you standing here by the time we raise the flag.”

Riza nodded, more than ready to find a bed.

When she got there, she saw what she had expected at the Liore Military Academy: a single room for the men and another for the women, and many bunks lined up inside.

She noticed the other classes of students already asleep, so she twisted around for the girls to quiet down from their whispers of anxiety.

She was going to try keeping quiet. She found the nearest empty bunk. She doffed her boots and placed them neatly by the bedside. She grabbed her backpack and placed it beside her boots, then she pulled her jacket off and put it on top of the boots.

She was buck-tired, so she got on top of the bed, covering herself with her cloak, and fell asleep.

***

Riza woke up before dawn, less than rested, but ready to wait at the bell tower. She noticed the shafts of moonlight pouring inside the dorm windows and saw the way the buidling was made. It was made out of adobe, the sand crumbling at parts. She noticed moonlight coming in through a bullethole and illuminating a spiderweb.

This was once an Ishvalan’s home, she realized. She tried not to think about it.

She opened her pack and found her alchemy books. She had it nearly perfected, but she still wanted to practice and memorize. After Ishval, she’d become an alchemist.

If she was noticed, she hoped that she wouldn’t be court martialled, but rather sent in for an exam, but that was hoping for too much, especially with how the order had been signed.

She... Didn’t want to think about that.

She kept reading her textbook by moonlight, but then looked up and realized it was setting quickly. Before dawn came, she had to start practicing. She pulled her jacket on, wincing at every crinkling sound the fabric made, then picked up her boots with her other arm.

She snuck out quickly, dropping her boots outside the building and putting them on.

It was freezing outside, with the ground holding no heat and no sun to warm it up. She trekked out a couple hundred metres, checking behind her to see if anyone followed her.

She was well behind the front lines even at her current position at the dorms, so there shouldn’t have been anyone to kill her.

She opened her textbook and sat down, her coat splasplayinghying out behind her with her cloak on top of it. She slipped her hood on and opened the cover of her book. She reached for her ink quill and the small jar of flint dust she put into her bag earlier.

With her right hand drew small transmutation circles on her left fingertips. She let it sit in her fingerprints for a while, then reached in for the varnish she kept in the cover too. She closed it, then dripped the polish onto it so it made a thin protective coat. The circles wouldn’t wear off now. Now, she reached for the flint dust, dipping her fingers in it. She let it sit for only seconds before snapping experimentally. A spark shot to the ground just beside her textbook, and she winced. Her fingers warmed, but only for seconds as she blew onto them to make sure the flint didn’t overheat. This seemed to be working so far… 

She snapped again, focusing her energy into her circles, until a flash of lightning shot out and exploded into a flame twenty feet away. Perfect! She wanted to jump in joy. Her first experiment, and she interpreted the alchemy perfectly!

She kept going, enjoying the sparks and bursts, like anticipation and release every time. It was almost therapeutic, and the feeling of watching these tiny burst of her work woke her up faster than any kilometre-long run could have woken Rebecca.

This went on for minutes until she was met by a tall man in a white cloak. She looked up and saw the spiky silhouette of Hughes. His glasses were lit orange in the firelight so Riza couldn’t see his eyes. “Put that out, will you.”

She stood up immediately, saluting. “Yes sir,” she said, but she didn’t know how to put flame alchemy out yet. 

She grimaced as she broke her position to kneel against the ground and draw a quick hydrogen transmutation circle, hoping it'd work. She pressed her hands against it and pulled the water in the air onto the fire, dousing it immediately. She got up. “My apologies.”

He shook his head. “I didn’t expect the Flame Alchemist to be a girl.”

The Flame Alchemist?

“Too harsh and daring of a name to be given to a young woman like you.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Not to mention you’re way too young to have any kind of state certification.” He paused, then shrugged. “But then again, if my buddy back at Eastern’s Academy can try for his license before getting shipped out here, then there’s no reason why you can’t.”

Wait, he thought she was a state alchemist? And who the hell was the Flame Alchemist?

She stared for long seconds before Hughes furrowed his brows. “You  _ are _ the Flame Alchemist, aren’t you?”

She shook her head. “I’m Private Riza Hawkeye, sir.”

“Oh, you’re the sniper, then. Well I apologize, sorry.” He grinned. “Coulda sworn you were an alchemist.”

She heaved a sigh. “I am, sir, but I wanted to get my certification after the war.”

“Private, we can’t let potential alchemists die because they were thrown on the front lines.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an opened envelope. “I’m going to talk with my superior officers today and ask for you to take a trip to Central. Get your certification and come back, you understand?” He glared straight at her. “Until then, you’re just Private Riza Hawkeye, Human Shield Squad’s sniper. Got it?”

She nodded. “Yes sir.”

“Good.” He put the note that he’d written on his envelope away, tucking it into his pocket. He glanced to the side. “Anyways, it’s almost dawn. Wake the other soldiers up and put your books away, ok?”

“Yes, sir."


	17. Chapter 17

The next day, Riza was given the permission. Hughes pulled her aside, motioning for her to place her gun on the table in the center of the tent. Then, he’d looked at her with a flash of light in his eyes. “I’ve got word our unit’s alchemist should come in, but I till have permission for you to leave. “ His eyes darted to the gun, then up to Riza. Hughes pulled a slip of paper from his pocket and gave it to her. “From Basque Grand.” With that, he nodded towards her. “Good luck, and you’re dismissed.”

With that, she left her gun on the table and ran as fast as she could to the barracks. She quickly picked up all the things she needed, stuffing them in her bag. The barracks were empty, the rest of the soldiers off at their posts. She made a mental calculation as to where the nearest train station was. There was one in Resemboole… That was a while away, but she’d be able to make it. Then, she left faster than she’d arrived. She _was_ gonna become a state alchemist, and this was her one chance to prove herself.

***

Note in hand, Riza made her way to the Central command, following signs pointing the way. She walked down a massive courtyard, far larger than the one in Eastern city’s neighbourhood. She made her way down it, carefully watching the uproar of activity. Civilians milled about it, and nearly twice as much soldiers were directing traffic, taking orders, or just plain staying guard. She was almost overwhelmed by the amount of blue uniforms staring her in the face, but she kept moving. She walked faster, long strides carrying her across the yard faster than she thought. She walked up the stairway, marble and perfectly polished, and made her way into a lobby.

She gripped her own uniform tightly as she fished for Hughes’ other note, saying that it was urgent she got her license.

She felt her hands shaking as she found another secretary, and again she was beautiful enough to make Riza’s legs shake. She tried to control herself though, and she placed Hughes’ first note on the desk. “I would like to take an exam,” she said. She looked on her fingertips to see if her circles still remained. They did, so she sighed quietly.

“You can’t just ask for an exam, madam. Which one?”

It was on the note, she wanted to say, but she just said. “I’m being ordered to take a state alchemist exam by my superior, Maes Hughes, and his superiors, including Basque Grand.” She handed the second note to her. “If you can get the nearest examiner on the line...”

The secretary grimaced. “I’ve mentioned they’re probably very busy, but give me a second, I guess...” Her black hair bounced as she twisted around and went into another room.

Riza did, standing stock still as she noticed how full this building really was. This time, there were nearly no civilians. The entire building was filled with familiar-blue-uniformed people. She sighed quietly, rubbing her fingers to make sure a spark still emitted.

They did, but she didn’t transmute the air around it to combust. She just let it be.

The woman came out. “I’ve called someone,” she said. “He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

She nodded. “Thank you.” She made her way to a wall and leaned against it. She grasped the notes in her hand in case she needed verification.

The entire place echoed, and the sunroof made of glass on the ceiling was enough to light the room in bright sunlight. She felt like she was at a marketplace in Eastern during the harvest, but here there was that air of coldness. There might have been conversations, but every single one was military. Nobody here was friends, and she knew it.

She waited longer, tracing her hands through her hair, still short as the night Roy had done the same to her. She curled her lips at the thought. No, she wouldn’t think of him ever again.

She did anyways, and she cursed her brain for it. What if her alchemy was similar enough to his? If he’d taken the exam before her, then he’d be seen as the original holder of the alchemy. She assumed he was the other Flamce Alchemist that Hughes was talking about… she clenched her teeth, her fists following. She felt a spark light against the inside of her hands, but again she didn’t let it light.

She paused when she saw a tall man with dark skin and hair walk towards him, a grim expression on his face. It lightened up when Riza met his eyes, and he walked closer.

“Are you here to take the exam?” he asked.

Riza looked at the stars on his shoulders and immediately saluted. This man was a brigadier general. Why would he be taking her for an exam? She expected someone with a lower rank, like a major at most. She nodded. “Yes, sir. Private Riza Hawkeye.”

He laughed, deep and hearty. “I can tell your rank, madam. Come along now.” He waved with a large hand, smiling. “Brigadier General Raven,” he said, twisting his head to face her. “The examination room is just down this hall.”

“Yes sir.” The people thinned out until the halls were nearly empty.

“You’ve all your materials, I presume?” he joked. “I mean, what alchemist wouldn’t have her chalk on her at all times?”

“I use ink sir,” she burst out.

Without a beat, he said, “Like a tattoo?”

“No sir,” she replied, too quickly.

Their footsteps now echoed, and Raven turned to the left, opening up a door. He grinned, motioning for her to go in. “Ladies first.”

She nodded in respect and ducked in past him. She found herself in another room, lit by a sunroof. Sand covered the bottom of it, a thin layer over a stone floor.

“Alright,” he said, walking around the stone floor from a raised platform, protected by a railing. “Let’s see what you can do.”

She nodded, already holding her hands out. She pulled a small jar from her coat pocket, her flint dust. She rubbed her fingers in it, giving it seconds to fall into the indents of her fingerprints, then breathed. She needed to focus her energy into this. Give it her all.

Fuck if Roy had already done this. She knew her own alchemy better than he did. He only saw it for a few minutes. She’d known it for years now.

“Begin,” he pressed.

“Yes sir.” She looked down at her hands and snapped, a spark flew out, and she transmuted the air in a straight line ahead of it so all the oxygen molecules were left. All the hydrogen had been pushed out of the way, leaving a perfectly flammable trail of air. The fire traveled down that line until it hit a torch on the wall beside her. It lit up, sparking for seconds before turning into a small blaze.

“Do you have a cigarette?” she asked.

He nodded, pulling one out from his pocket. Before he had it to his mouth, she snapped again, and the cigarette was already a glowing orange, ready to be smoked.

Raven looked at her in surprise. “No transmutation circles?”

“I don’t need to draw any for each transmutation,” she offered. She still drew them, but it was faster to just have them drawn on her fingertips for her to ire constantly instead of chalking down a new one per transmutation.

“I understand,” he said. He took a drag of his cigarette. “You’ve got an interesting skill there, for sure. Where did you learn it?”

“It was my father’s research.” That sounded like she’d only learn it and be done with it. For good measure, she added. “I decided to continue it after his death.”

Raven pursed his lips. “I will discuss this with my superiors. Stay in central for a day. By then we’ll have decided if you pass.”

Riza nodded. “I understand.”

Raven made his way down the balcony, then down the stairs with the raised platform. He waited at the entrance for her. “Come along now. I’ll be waiting for you outside of the building at noon tomorrow.”

She nodded, and followed the brigadier general out of the building. “Thank you sir.”

“No, thank you. If you pass, your skill will be greatly appreciated by Amestris.” And with that, Riza was sent to the streets.


	18. Chapter 18

The next day, she was issued her license. She was officially a major, even though she had none of the power of one until she was promoted like a normal military soldier. She was a State Alchemist — officially, the Lightning Alchemist — and now she was on her way to Resembool Station. From there, she’d go back to Ishval on foot.

The train went quickly, tall grass whipping past fast enough that if Riza focused on a single stalk her head would start to hurt. The silver watch in her hand that she now had weighed heavy in her hands. She let it rest in her pocket, but she still felt... wrong carrying it. She knew that she had to kill with this, and she loathed that thought.

Then why else did she join the military?

In order to rise up, one had to do this. In order to earn a good wage and a healthy lifestyle, she had to do this. She had to do this for her country and herself. Without the feeling of a heavy military backpack on her, her thoughts started to creep into her mind.

She was doing this for no reason than her own selfish desires. She was killing because she wanted more for herself. Why was she doing this? She had a house and groceries. She could work at a restaurant with her alchemy at this point. Why did she have to do _this?_

Because she wanted to be better than Roy, she realized. To prove to him that he was nothing. She needed to do this for herself. Her selfishness sickened her.

She got closer to the Resembool station, she could tell by the hills and the way that the clacks of the train got louder as their motion grew less uniform. She heard a screeching minutes later and she moved to cover her ears.

She got up before the train was at a full halt. She turned to the other passengers in the train, looking at them, and waited for them to get up too.

Finally, it stopped fully, and there was a loud, “Last stop! Everybody out!”

Then, they all got out. They were families, gaunt and sickly. A little girl tugged her mother’s sleeve. She was still full of positivity. “Mum, mum! Now we can grow sheeps, right?”

The woman smiled, looking down at her daughter and rubbing her hair as they walked past her. Her eyes glanced up, staring at Riza as she said, “Yes, Danica. And we’ll have enough money from it, that we can eat as much mashed potatoes as we want.”

“Yes!” The child, barely older than 5, jumped up in the air and grinned wide.

Finally, there was space for Riza to fall into line, and she realized why all of these people were here. They were trying to provide for the war, and it sounded like the state was willing to pay. So many poor families rushing to help the war machine, because they’d get compensated for their work if they did...

She got off the train, nodding a thank you to the conductor before greeting the windy day.

It was warm, but not unbearable, and the grassland looked so beautiful, inviting.

She loved the sight, but knew that in mere kilometres the grass would fade out into desert and explosions and bomb sites.

And yet people were flooding to the towns right next to it because they needed the money.

She’d be one of these people if she didn’t fight.

She’d start her walk to Ishval now, like she’d done on her way to the train station before. She opened up her stopwatch, checking the compass needle embedded into the clock. A single needle, shaking with Riza’s breaths, pointed about 90 degrees to the left of where Riza was facing. She just needed to head East now. She was already headed in the right direction, and if she went at a reasonable half-jog, she’d be at the front lines by nightfall.

She should start running.

“Excuse me, madam!” she heard someone say. She stopped and looked around, even though it was obvious that madam wasn’t for her.

It was, surprisingly enough, and a couple was waving her down. “You’re on your way to Ishval, right?”

She nodded slowly, making her way to them. "I'm an alchemist," she said slowly. "And you guys?"

The woman brushed windblown hair from her face and looked back to the hill she came from. "We're doctors," she said distractedly. She murmured something beneath her breath, and the man put his hand over her shoulder in comfort.

“Well,” the man said. “We’ve got a car, and we’re headed there anyways.”

They looked nothing like soldiers. They were soft, and they looked like they’d only seen the beautiful plains of Resembool. Both of them had blond hair and blue eyes.

“If you'd like a ride, we can help,” the woman offered.

Riza had never ridden in a car before, nodding apprehensively. How did they manage to afford a car? “Yes please… and thank you,” she said to them.

“Alright, come with us. What’s your name?” the man asked as he walked towards a house.

“Riza Hawkeye, the Lightning Alchemist,” she replied. “And yours?” She followed behind them, and the woman twisted around with those wide blue eyes.

“Well, I’m Sara, and my husband here...” She laughed, tapping his shoulder. He looked back in surprise, then smiled and made his way to the car, covered in the dust from the hills. “His name’s Urey. We’re the Doctors Rockbell.”


	19. Chapter 19

The drive was long, with the couple bantering among one another and then trying their hardest to include Riza in the conversation. Clearly, the tension was in the air, and the Rockbells went on about their daughter, and how they hoped she'd do okay. Riza had full faith in the girl, given what she'd heard.

"You're saying she reads medical textbooks to sleep?"

To that, Urey laughed. He threw his head back, the car swerving over the sand as he stopped looking at the 'road.' "Yeah!" he said, "we've never thought of it like that though. She just picks up whatever's laying around."

She was also six years old, so Riza was coloured impressed. But of course, Father was very similarly proud of her. The Rockbells were definitely nicer than Father though, so she wondered how Winry would turn out. Probably a lot better.

The road finally came back to view until finally the camp came into view. Riza pulled her items in beside her, anxious to get out. "We're almost here," she began. "Thank you for the drive."

"Wasn't an issue! I hope you stay safe out there."

Riza grimaced, and the tension that was hanging before started to condense. "Thank you," she said. "I hope you save a ton of people."

"We're just some country surgeons, but thank you too." Sara smiled back at them, and the car started to slow. They were at the train station, with military vehicles lined up alongside it. The car stopped, and Urey turned it off and got out. "I'm going to look for a place to put this."

With that, a soldier stopped in front of them before Riza could even get out. "Actually, we'll just take it from here. Grab your things, then report in at the head office." He pointed to a house with Amestris' banner hanging over the windows. They nodded, and Riza picked up her bag and left. The three stood beside eachother before apprehensively going inside.

"Reporting for duty," Riza said first with a salute. It was clear the doctors haven't been trained in the military before, so she made sure to show them examples of how to act. Especially because she'd heard of cruel generals.

The man sitting behind the desk was Grumman himself, with his large greying mustache. "Welcome back, soldier. And these are the doctors we needed for your squad, I see." He wrote down something on a sheet of paper in front of him. "Alright, make your way to your barracks. I assume you know where that is, Hawkeye?"

Riza nodded, thinking how they were on the city's outskirts but were supposed to be moving in any day now. "I do, sir."

"Good. Then, dismissed."

They left the tent promptly, and Sara shook her head. "Those military types… so rushed."

"This is a war," Riza replied. She started walking down along the city's edge, noticing the bullet holes and burn marks in the houses. How they were abandoned. A thought fleeted into her mind of what happened with the corpses, but she banished it. "Come along now…"

With that, they made their way to one of the larger places, probably an old temple… There, she made her way to the barracks. "Let my find Hughes," she said. "Wait here."

She found him in a small house beside the temple, again with banners over the windows. Unlike the other "office," the windows weren't boarded up, so somebody could sneak a gun beneath the banner and shoot Hughes (and anyone inside the building) dead in seconds. She took a note not to be in here for longer than a minute at a time.

"Captain Hughes," she said. "Reporting for duty with the doctors Rockbell."

"Great," he said. "We've got another building secured with a couple patients already. Tell them to look for the red pole outside the door." He took a deep breath, with bags under his eyes. "And you, will be in the same room as our other alchemist."

"Your… other alchemist," Riza said, then remembered that Flame Alchemist that Hughes had been talking about.

"His name's Roy, and if he lays a hand on you I'll kick his ass."

The name sent a shock of pure fear through her. "Roy Mustang," she asked quietly.

"You know him?"

"Yes," she said through gritted teeth. "With all due respect, please don't make me share a room with him."

"You'd rather sleep with thirty other soldiers in the barracks?"

To that, Riza nodded harder than she ever had in her life. "More than anything."

Her heart pounding, he frowned, but in the end cocked his head from shoulder to shoulder. "Whatever, but make sure that you both meet in here for morning briefings then."

The hair on Riza's arms raised at the thought of having to see his face again, but she said, "I understand, sir."

"We're pretty much equals now, Lightning."

"Of course…"

"Good. Now go get yourself settled, and the doctors too. Meet me at 1900." Riza checked the time and realized that'd be in three hours.

"Understood." And with that, she left the building. Then, she laid flat against the wall and ran her hands over her face. Suppressing a scream, she berated herself as badly as she did when Roy had first betrayed her. How could she be so stupid? And the horrible luck to end up here with him…

She clenched her fist and punched her chest. Her blood boiled at the thought of seeing his smug, dark-eyed, handsome face again. She was going to prove to Roy that she was better than him _to his face,_ and he would be forced to see exactly the woman she was without him.


End file.
